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I went out with a friend's boyfriend behind her back (but she got me back good) - January 15th 2019, 01:40 PM

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]Almost a year ago, I went out with a friend's boyfriend behind her back. I know I shouldn't have. He told me he was planning on breaking up with her (can't believe I fell for that) and so I gave in to temptation.

It didn't take long for her to find out through a classmate who saw us out together. When she did, she and two of her friends cornered me in a restroom at school. She attacked me and I fought back in self-defense. She ended up getting the worst of it. I actually broke her nose, but I swear I didn't mean to! I had never been in a fight before and was just swinging wildly, not aiming for anything in particular.

No one else witnessed the fight. The three of them lied to the administration and said that I'd started the fight, that I'd swung at her. So, the principal called the cops and I was arrested.

Fast forward to yesterday. I was in court to learn my fate. I was found guilty as the three of them stuck to their story and all said I attacked her. I'd never been in trouble with the law before, so I thought I might get probation. Wrong. The judge has sentenced me to spend three months in juvenile detention.

The only reason I'm not there right now is because I have a job and some other responsibilities, so I've been given the week to put my notice in and get my affairs in order. At 6 p.m. on Friday, I have to report to the county juvenile detention center to begin serving my sentence.

Since the fight, I've obviously had a lot of time to think. And since court I've done even more thinking. I own the fact that I wouldn't be in this situation to begin with if I hadn't been such a shitty friend. I should never have gone out with her friend. She only attacked me because of what I'd done and it's understandable that she'd be upset, so I feel really bad about what I did to her nose. Basically, I feel like I'm getting my comeuppance here.

I've been thinking of writing my friend a letter from juvie, once I find the right words, to apologize for everything. I know our friendship is probably beyond repair at this point, but I feel I owe it to her nonetheless. I know a lot of people would probably say I'm crazy for wanting to do this. Am I? What do you think of all this?

PS: Like I said before, I've never been in trouble with the law before and never been to anyplace like juvenile detention before. I'm really nervous and trying not to freak out, I admit. If anyone has any experience with juvie and can give me any advice on how to cope, I'd really appreciate that too.[/size][/color][/font]
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Re: I went out with a friend's boyfriend behind her back (but she got me back good) - January 15th 2019, 06:52 PM

It is very brave of you to have come forward to make this post on here. While I agree that you shouldn't have gone out with your friend's boyfriend behind her back, it doesn't make what she did right either. She should have approached you in a mature way and spoken in a civil manner. I am so sorry this is what the situation has come to.

You know your former friend the best, so only you would be able to answer that. But for support's sake, let me give you my perspective. While you did something wrong, she did something worse and now you are going to have a criminal record because she couldn't confess to her actions. This is going to affect college acceptance and any future jobs you might hold. If I were you, I wouldn't even bother. She clearly does not understand the severity of her actions.

No, you are not getting your comeuppance, you deserved so much better than this. If she were truly your friend, then she would have come up to you in a calm manner and say something like "Hey, (your name) I heard you were with my boyfriend. Why did you do that? I thought we were friends." and not lay a hand on you let alone corner you in a bathroom with two other girls wailing their fists at you.

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Re: I went out with a friend's boyfriend behind her back (but she got me back good) - January 15th 2019, 09:37 PM

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. It doesn't matter if you made a mistake; you went on a god damn date with the guy you thought was about to break up with her. Was that stupid? Yes (sorry). But you sure sure hell didn't deserve having her and her friends literally attack you and persist to the point where criminal charges were brought against you.

Since you're going to juvenile detention versus regular prison, at least that means you were charged as a child (I would assume) and you can possibly have the record expunged or sealed once you turn 18. You can seek out a criminal defence attorney to find out how to make this happen because it doesn't just go away on it's own and banks, landlords, employers etc. can ask if you've ever been convicted, and while you can tell them it was a juvenile crime / happened when you were a minor, it might be worth your time to have a criminal law attorney help you in this area to limit its impact on your future.
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Re: I went out with a friend's boyfriend behind her back (but she got me back good) - January 15th 2019, 11:07 PM

That whole situation sounds absolutely horrifying. I can't imagine how terrified you must feel underneath. You may have given in to temptation, but it does not mean that you're the bad person here. Fact of the matter is that you were lead on. Her boyfriend is as equally to blame here. He chose to lie to you and let you think he was splitting with your friend to be with you.

While I understand your friend's anguish because of what happened, you do not deserve to be punished the way you have. You were attacked. You attempted to defend yourself and ended up scoring a lucky blow. If you hadn't fought back, chances are you'd be in a much worse condition than a person with a broken nose. You have the right to defend yourself.

Also remember that you and her boyfriend were seen together. Why isn't he getting any of the blame here? I understand that she must feel betrayed by her friend here, but he shouldn't get off scot-free.

He has cost you your friendship, your job, earnings. Now you have a juvenile record on your background history. You don't deserve that.

If you haven't already, just be honest about the whole situation. No matter how it may come across or look. You were lead on. Make a point that it takes two people to be in that kind of situation. You shouldn't take the whole blame here. I can only hope that in the future, your friend's boyfriend realises what he has done, and that your friend recognises she and her two other friends were bang out of order. She has quite literally ruined your life over lying, cheating boyfriend.
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Re: I went out with a friend's boyfriend behind her back (but she got me back good) - January 16th 2019, 11:17 PM

Sarah is one hundred percent right. I'm sure you are going to take a lot away from this and it will ruin a lot of trust in people, those who are currently in your life and who may come into your lift at a future point in time. For all you know, your friend and her boyfriend could have conspired this together. You don't want to get yourself involved with these sort of people, the people who trick and manipulate you to the point where you will have a permanent criminal record.

It won't go away when you reach the age of majority in your country. The admission unit at any future university you apply to as well as potential future employers can still request it. They shouldn't discriminate based on it (after all, it's not like you committed a violent crime) but they could come up with a obscure reason to not accept/hire you based on that.

If you ever need to reach out again, we are here. If you prefer some anonymity, consult HelpLINK or LiveHelp. Alternatively, you can register an account and PM me if you need someone to talk to.

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