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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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Question I like this girl and i think she likes me back but she has a boyfriend - January 8th 2020, 03:47 AM

So theres this girl im lowkey in love with, we have known each other since kindergarten and we've been good friends since 7th grade, and its now 10th grade, and ive always had a crush on her but its developed and i think im kinda in love with her. We've been through stuff together like coming out (im lesbian and she's pan) and we've had really deep conversations. We both really trust each other and recently she said i was her favorite person. This is what happened on Halloween (yea i know thats a couple months ago but whatever)
So it was Halloween and I was hanging out with her (who i will cal em) and her boyfriend (who i will call bf) and bf made a bunch of jokes about em liking me better than him and said stuff like "if you made out with Jessica (thats me), I would be really mad. " and ig that was meant to be a joke but also bf was like what if I climbed in through your window and played roblox on your computer what would you do and em said I would kill you and vibe check your kneecaps. But if Jessica did it she could play. And a bunch of other stuff about treating/liking me better and one time em took my arm when we we're walking and Luke just stopped walking and like 4 feet later we turned around and looked not happy. Also one time em was wearing the head to her costume so she couldn't see as well so she took my hand to lead her around but she seemed to be able to see everything mostly fine and when she look my hand she was like omg your hand is freezing let me warm it up and just held it in both her hands as we walked along. At one point bf said that he was feeling jealous of me. Also she said to bf that she didn't like it when he kisses her (idk if that was serious or not??) And at the end of the night when I was about to leave she kissed my hand and I just don't know what to do or think about it. Obviously I really like em so these gestures make me happy but at the same time she has a boyfriend so idk how that factors in here
Also one time i had a bunch of friends over for a sleepover and as we were falling asleep me and em both reached for eachothers hands and held them as we fell asleep
So basically im getting a bunch of signs from her and i really like her and would love to be in a relationship but she has a boyfriend. What should i do? Should i do anything? Im so confused
                   
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Re: I like this girl and i think she likes me back but she has a boyfriend - January 8th 2020, 08:58 PM

I've been in a situation similar to that, where a friend seems to give me all the signs in the world that indicate that there was more to our friendship than what it currently was. The thing was, it was just her genuinely being friendly because she was that comfortable with me. I cleared things up by asking her a few subtle questions without being too direct (since that can be quite awkward even for a close friend) and that was when I found she was just being friendly with me.

You could consider doing similar, such as pass comments about how she's behaving in X way towards you, but Y way to her boyfriend. I'd also point out to her that in one instance, her boyfriend has stated that he feels jealous of the interaction she has with you as opposed to him.

All in all, despite her actions towards you, for all you know, maybe you just make her feel safe? There doesn't always have to be something more to such gestures as those you've described, but you won't know if there is until you try and find a way to talk to her about her behaviour and find out more.


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Re: I like this girl and i think she likes me back but she has a boyfriend - January 23rd 2020, 12:55 PM

It is hard enough trying to tell if she likes you when she’s standing right in front of you. Don’t you hang out enough and aren’t on that level of closeness where you’d hang out regularly anyway?
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Re: I like this girl and i think she likes me back but she has a boyfriend - January 28th 2020, 07:05 PM

If you have feelings for her, you two are close, and you feel like you're getting signs from her that her relationship maybe isn't all that and she's coming to you for some kind of *something* that could be read as her having feelings for you, then I think you need to have a conversation with her.

It could look like saying "Em, I have been having some romantic feelings for you. There have been a few cases where I have gotten signals that maybe you feel the same way, but I don't know if that's true or if maybe I've been clouded by the fact that my feelings are present", let her reply.

If she says she doesn't like you like that, then I think you need to let her know that X and Y have to stop (e.g. kissing your hand, holding your hand) because those sorts of things are giving you hope that maybe there is something more between the two of you and you won't be able to move on if you're constantly being given hope.

If she says she does like you, then you need to talk about her ending her relationship with her boyfriend so you two can be together instead. But you also need to be mindful of the fact that she needs to end it on her own. If she wants to be with you and she knows that it's possible, that doesn't necessarily mean that she'll end the relationship and you don't want to start a new relationship based on a situation where you made her feel like she had to do this.
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