Worried I am going to get set up

[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]So my mum's friend has arranged a get together with her, me and my mum. The thing is, my mum's friend has previously said (a while ago) that her son is single and she and her daughters try to play match maker and find him someone.

I was previously pressured into a relationship with her son when I was around 13, by his older sister. A lot of time has passed since then, but I've only just started to take control of my life and started thinking about what I actually want from life (I have a history of going along with things especially if I feel pressured by other people) and I'm scared that I'm going to feel pressured into something I don't want.

There's nothing wrong with her son. I don't really know him, but I'm just not that interested in him. I wasn't when we were in school and I'm still not now.

Maybe nothing will happen and I'm overthinking but I can't ignore all these signs either.

I'm just really scared that I'll get pressured into a relationship with him and then feel trapped and stuck.[/size]

[Mallika]

Hello there,

Thank you for reaching out! This is a very valid situation and you are right to have these concerns.

Older adults have this tendency to match-make - it's a universal thing. I believe I might soon find myself in this situation too

At the end of the day, you are a person entitled to your own decisions and opinions. I understand that it might be difficult to go against what others are trying to do, but there are ways you can go about this without creating a scene or seeming impolite.

First, trust your instinct. If you feel that they are really trying to match-make you and the guy, you can politely refuse. You can say something like "Thank you for your interest. I think your son is a great guy but I am not keen on pursuing a relationship with him. I believe he will find a great partner in due time. I hope you understand," or something along those lines. There is no shame in taking a stand for yourself, cliche as it sounds. It IS one of the most powerful things you can do. Honesty is the best policy, and it applies here in terms of being frank about your feelings and thoughts.

My mother agreed to get married under circumstances arranged by her parents. She turned a blind eye to certain red flags because she did not want to upset society and her parents. She paid the price for not speaking up for herself for years to follow. From her experience, I realised the importance of standing up for oneself. It is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of strength, to say "No" or voice your thoughts.

I'll end off with something a nice old lady told me when I was in Ireland as a college student - "Always remember - you come #1, and you aren't being selfish."

It can be really hard to say "No" the first time time, but once you do it, you will be able to easily say "No" whenever situations require you to. Hope this helps!