18F likes 20M and he likes me back but I feel awkward, any advice?

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]So we go to school together and both got to know each other and flirted at the beginning of the year but then he admitted he liked me and I turned him down (mainly due to trauma and healing an fear). Started therapy and then recently I realized that I think I do like him so my friend helped me an was like you should just tell him that you think he's cool or whatever and like talking to him if he wants to talk more. So I did that and he's like 'yeah I like talking to you too and you're really cute' blah blah blah. So we chatted a bit and then he had to go but now idk what happens cause like I know I'm awkward cause I get scared.

My friend is like so hot and cool and like even tho she's insecure she seems super confident and I wanna be like that but idk how to just be sorta carefree in this situation so can anyone help me out?

Plus when I see him in school it's gonna be weird cause we don't talk much in class and I'm really private about this stuff andd so I don't want him to start talking to me a bunch and then my friends to be like what's that abt cause I moved and I'm not close with any of these people.

And now I'm like idk maybe I don't like him, like this is just kinda weird and I know it's cause I'm scared cause my father was reallly abusive and sexually assaulted me but now I feel awkward andd it's a weird feeling cause I never feel like this. Like I've never liked a guy before and I've only turned them down and this feels almost like I don't have like the same power in a way, idk if that makes sense.

So that's that. Thank you[/size][/color][/font][/size][/color][/font]

[Ennui.]

Try not to let the opportunity pass! It sounds like you do like him and may be fearful about moving forward. If it turns out he’s not right for you, at least you didn’t deny yourself the opportunity to be happy with him.

Do you think you can start our slow by asking for his number or asking him if he’d want to study with you sometime? If you start out with something school related it may take some of the pressure off for you and you can chat from there. If it helps you could hang out in a group as well with some of both of your friends there to reduce pressure the first few times you hang out. I know you said you just moved though.

Maybe if you do talk to him you can rehearse what you want to say first? That way you have an idea of what you want to tell him before you talk to him.

If your friends ask what that’s about, it’s none of your business if you don’t want to tell them! You can say it’s personal if you want to, or you can say that you’re trying to get to know him better without going into a lot of detail.

I totally get what you mean about not feeling like you have the same power. Liking someone is scary, and having feelings for someone, especially if it's the first time you've experienced them, can kind of feel like you are losing control, of yourself, the situation, or both. I am not sure that that is exactly what you, personally, are experiencing, but I know that is how it has felt for me in the past. Either way, it sounds like things seem a little confusing, and I am sorry that's what's going on.

I think, though, that this definitely is an opportunity for growth and connection, and passing it up might be a mistake, if the reason you are doing so is out of fear. It sounds like you really do like him, but are just unsure of yourself and the situation, and it also sounds like he has made clear he likes you, and while that's technically a good thinking, because mutual liking is nice, it might seem scary.

I would agree with Dez and say that going slow might be a good option. Since you are in school together, doing school-related things might put you at ease. If not studying together or sharing notes if you are in classes together, perhaps doing a group activity with some other students you have common connections with might put you at ease. It could be a great way to get to know him more without so much pressure put on you if you're just hanging out as a "twosome."

I hope this helps. Feel free to reach out if you have any more questions or concerns; we're always here for you!