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PlutoTheOpposum Offline
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How does one know if it's love or an obsession? - June 17th 2022, 02:48 PM

So um. I've had this question for a while.
It probably sounds stupid, but how does one know if you love somebody or are obsessed? I've had two girlfriends, and with both of them feel like I was overly obsessed. they both asked me and I barely even knew them, but I accepted (and quickly became obsessed, thinking about them all the time/spamming them with messages/telling them i loved them not even a week into the relationship) one broke up with me and played a part in my mental health going down, and i broke up with the other (partly because im grounded from everything, and partly because my mom told her i need to work on myself) and still think of her.

I had a "crush" on this one girl, and I would go out of my way to ask her favorite things and would be nervous if she 1) was absent 2) was hanging out with other people or 3) seemed distant. I asked her out and she said no, but we remained friends. She was probably my favorite person, and then she moved i was devastated.

I just dont know if this is like a normal thing that happens orrrr what. Please give me some advice ((

Last edited by PlutoTheOpposum; June 17th 2022 at 04:06 PM. Reason: Clarification for breaking up with my second gf
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Re: How does one know if it's love or an obsession? - June 17th 2022, 05:48 PM

I'd say that it sounds like there was a little bit of obsession, at least in the first relationship where you told the person you loved them after being in the relationship for about a week. That's moving a little fast to me. Some other things to consider are whether or not you are able to give the person space and not be with them at every hour of the day.
But, to an extent it is normal to want to be around the person and want to do things to make them happy. It's okay if you miss the person when they are absent from school, and that you worry sometimes about distance. Of course, you do have to challenge some of the thoughts. For example, if someone you like is hanging out with other people, remind yourself that it's okay, and actually very important, for people to have multiple friends and it doesn't mean that the person likes you any less. The same goes for distance. You can ask yourself if their behavior has changed because they're busy right now, or because they're truly being distant. Communication is important, too, so you can talk to them and say "I feel as if things are distant right now because... Is anything going on?"
I think it's a matter of watching how you act and how you feel when you are with the person that you are like. Try not rushing things, and make sure that you are able to take space so that both of you are able to hang out with other people. It's okay to think about the person but they shouldn't be filling most of your thoughts all day, every day. Make sure you aren't acting controlling of their actions/what they do, and be validating of how they feel.

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Re: How does one know if it's love or an obsession? - August 18th 2022, 10:15 AM

This is normal.
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Re: How does one know if it's love or an obsession? - November 19th 2022, 06:43 PM

It makes people uneasy when you're not interested in yourself and things you care about. Also if they've ever had someone violate their trust... they're at a stage where it must be earned and you are not. Your idea of them is grander than they see themselves and realistically what you should see as well. Love sick, obsessed, puppy love.
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love, obsession

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