I don’t think My friend doesn’t like my boyfriend

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]So I’ve been friends with this guy since before Covid, we met at a convention and we bonded over being very creative. And being ADHD and stuff. He says I’m the only person “who can keep up with him creatively”. And we’ve collaborated on a lot of projects from music to audio dramas. I’ve k own my boyfriend since middle school and we’ve acted like a couple long before we officially started dating. I love him very much. We both love music and drawing and stuff, but he’s not as creative as I am, at least in some areas, but I’ve been kinda easing him into if cause I know he loves this stuff too. Recently it was my birthday and my boyfriend sent me a pair of headphones and a portable warm up room thing you hold over your face. I’m very grateful with both because I know my boyfriend was thinking of me when he got it, even though I’m not sure I’ll use the sound box thing (I did try to use it, I just found it uncomfortable and a bit difficult to breath when I did) and I already have a pair of headphones (but I do like being able to alternate while one is charging and they are nice, working headphones.

I had mentioned both of the gifts to my friend cause we were talking about my birthday and he looked up the stuff and criticized them. The headphones were apparently 15 dollars which I didn’t know and he said the voice thing was impractical (which I do kinda agree with) but I know it’s the thought that counts, and my boyfriend spent time and money picking out a nice gift for me, I’m not ungrateful. I mentioned to my friend that my boyfriend is also a college student, and we’re currently long distance so he has to worry about shipping too. And he said he knew but he “wanted to make sure you’re getting what you deserve” which is sweet, but my boyfriend gets me little gifts and stuff every time his family goes on vacation, and even though we’re not always “on the same page” creatively he is a creative person who listens to me ramble about my projects and shares my love of music and I love him.

I get my friend is just looking out for me, but part of me worries that is a “my friend likes me so dunks on the boyfriend” thing, even though I’m not 100% sure that’s what this is? but I mention my boyfriend a decent amount because I don’t want that friend to think I’m leading him on. And when I talk about my boyfriend, he sometimes will say something like “ok he’s gained some points in my book” or “that kinda lost him some points for me but we’ll see” and it just kinda upsets me cause I think the two of them would get along if they met? But also I don’t know how to talk to my friend about it? Cause I do value our friendship but I don’t like when he says stuff like that. But I don’t want to make things awkward cause we’re collaborating on so many things and I don’t want to ruin that. I genuinely don’t think he’s meaning to be like- hostile towards my boyfriend? I don’t even think it’s a jealousy thing, but I’m not 100% sure. This is mostly just to vent, but if anyone can offer some advice, I’d really appreciate it. Thank you.[/size][/color][/font]

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]I just realized the title, that’s my bad, I’m tired. I meant I don’t think my friend likes my boyfriend[/size][/color][/font][/size][/color][/font]

[Ennui.]

Hey,

It sounds like your boyfriend is a great guy and I'm glad you have him! I think your friend is being protective of you and does want the best for you, which is great too. It's wonderful that you have both of these caring people in your life. It's good that you said you don't think your friend is meaning to be hostile, because it does sound like he's coming from a place of concern. But you're right that with things like gifts it's the thought and effort that counts, and not the money put into it, and that it's about how your boyfriend treats you overall.

Can you sit down with your friend and have a discussion with him? You can say something along the lines of, "I really appreciate the fact that you care about me and want me to get what I deserve, but I feel upset when you talk negatively about my boyfriend. Is this something we can work on moving forward?" Perhaps you can give him some examples of things that are okay or not okay to talk about. Of course, if any red flags pop up in the relationship (nothing stands out at me from your post), that's something you'd want for him to bring up, but it's understandable you wouldn't want him being negative all the time otherwise.

You're right that it's possible that your friend would like your boyfriend if they met each other. Maybe you can even suggest a way for them to meet each other. I know you said your boyfriend is long distance so maybe you can ask each of them if they would be willing to do a three-way call/video chat, or at least have a group chat with each other where you all can talk and they can get to know each other. It can start out with light conversations or sharing funny photos or videos, and then can evolve to more in-depth conversations. Or, you can even do something like find a movie you can all watch on Netflix and you can all talk about the movie afterwards. Just something to get a conversation started.

I wish you the best of luck!
Dez