worried

[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]so i hung out with my girlfriend las tuesday and shes busy and im busy and we cant hang out this week. next weekend im going down the shore and her and her friends will be down there for part of the time i am. she said i should hang out with them but i dont want to ruin her time should i go yes or no.[/size]

[SIZE="a"]to add onto this she said they will be drinking and im ok with that but last time she was drunk she broke up with her old bf a week before and made out with a guy at a party and im worried shell cheat on me[/size]

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]i also feel like shes mad because shes on snap when shes at work sometimes and i see her snap score goes up but she doesnt snap me and i feel like shes ignoring me what should i do im so confused and im mixed on how i feel about her[/size][/color][/font]

[Ennui.]

As far as going to the shore is concerned, I think that as long as you feel comfortable with going, it’s okay to go. She invited you by saying you should hang out with them so it sounds like she’d be okay with you coming. This gives you a chance to get to know some of her friends a little better too, and you’d get to have fun with your girlfriend. It sounds like it could be a win-win.

I understand you worrying about her cheating. I don’t think it’s something you necessarily can prevent, because if someone wants to cheat they will. I’m not saying she IS going to cheat, though. If she does cheat you’ll have to make the decision if this is something you’d want to put up with. It’s a huge violation of trust and it’s understandable if that’s something you can’t move past. Drinking or not, cheating is still a big thing and it’s valid if you’d be reevaluating the relationship if it happened. Honestly if it happens it may be a good idea to move on. You still have time to find someone in your life who won’t treat you like that. Of course, the ideal is that she doesn’t cheat at all.

I’d talk to her about the Snapchat thing. You can say that you noticed her snap score going up but that she never initiates it with you. Ask her if she’s upset with you. Make sure to use “I statements.” For example, “I feel ignored when I see that you’re sending snaps to other people and not me. I’m worried that you’re upset with me.” She can then explain what’s going on and hopefully you’ll be able to find a solution.

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]she asked me to hangout yesterday and i found out its her work gc and her sports gc that boost it so much. she was unadding guys too infront of me last night so i think we are good and i didnt even have to talk to her[/size][/color][/font][/size][/color][/font]

[Ennui.]

That’s great that you got some reassurance! Here’s hoping things continue to go well.

[Ambedo.]

As Dez stated, I think the fact that your girlfriend invited you to hang out with her and her friends at the shore is a sign that she's more than okay with you joining them. If you're comfortable with going, I think it could be a great opportunity for you! Not only will it give you the chance to spend more time with her, it will give you the chance to see her in a different environment and get to know her friends better. All of that can give you a window into who she is and help you get to know her better, which definitely sounds like a win.

Your concerns about her cheating are definitely understandable. Would you be able to talk to her about your concerns and fears? If you do, I would highly encourage you to use "I statements" such as "I'm feeling a little worried about being cheated on if alcohol is involved" or "I need some reassurance that, whether you're drinking or not, our relationship is in a solid place". Be mindful of the type of language that you use, as you definitely don't want to sound accusatory, which could lead her to being less receptive to the conversation as a whole. That being said, whether you choose to talk to her about it or not won't necessarily change what she is going to do. She knows she is in a relationship, but what she does with that information is entirely up to her. While being cheated on is certainly painful, just know that you will be seeing her true colors if that's what she chooses to do, which can be a good thing in the end. It will prevent you from wasting time on someone that doesn't value being in a relationship with you and give you the chance to find someone that is appreciative of everything that you have to offer. Here's hoping she doesn't cheat, though!!

I think it's great that you were able to talk to her about what you noticed regarding her Snap score and your feelings about it. I'm glad she was able to provide you with some reassurance as well. Being able to communicate about things like that is a huge step towards having a healthy relationship. Keep that momentum going as much as you can when any concerns arise and be sure to do the same for her if she brings up any concerns in the future. Creating a two-way street that allows respectful, open communication will allow the two of you to continue to grow your relationship in a way that is extremely healthy.

Fingers crossed that things continue to go well for the two of you!!

[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]my gf wants to have sex with me but i dont know what to do. i wouldnt mind but we have been seeing each other for 2 months but im ok with it idk what to do i feel lost[/size]

[Ambedo.]

Hey,

It sounds like you might be experiencing a bit of hesitation due to the fact that your relationship is still newer. That's totally okay and there is nothing wrong with wanting to wait until you're a bit more established! You did also say that you're okay with it and it's also perfectly fine if you do decide to have sex with your girlfriend. When it comes to making a decision like that, listen to your gut and do what feels best to you!

If the two of you do decide you want to have sex, having a conversation about it first is so important! It will give both of you the opportunity to express any boundaries and talk about things that you may want to try or that you know you enjoy. Making sure that both of you are comfortable will make it a better experience all-around! Remember that you can also change your mind at any time, as can she.

[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]if i may ask how would i have the conversation if she was serious about what she said and work out that since our relationship is newer i dont want to have it based off of sex rather than genuinely liking each other[/size]

[Ennui.]

I'd sit her down on a day when she's in a decent mood in an area where there aren't any distractions. If you can't meet her in person, do it over a phone call instead of texting.

Let her know that you appreciate the fact she wants to have sex with you and you understand that it would take the relationship to the next level. Let her know that you are okay with having sex, but that you want to be sure that your relationship won't be only about sex from now on. Let her know that you really like her and want to spend time with her outside of having sex as well, and explain some things you would like to do with her that can show your love (ie cooking a meal together, having a movie/game night, or something else). Hopefully she will be on board and feel the same way!

[Ambedo.]

I think Dez nailed it! I don't have too much to add, aside from emphasizing how important it is to communicate that, if you do choose to have sex, you want your relationship to be about more than that. It may even be helpful to be intentional about planning date nights or setting aside time specifically for activities that you already enjoy doing together or to try something new together. While sex can definitely take a relationship to the next level, it's important not to lose sight of what brought the two of you together in the first place.