Sad and Lonely
Everything's going wrong
Don't feel like doing anything
Don't know what to do
The only thing I know is SH...
Feel so fat
Look so fat
Hate being fat
Wish I was pretty
Suppose I am being selfish
I am selfish
I'm just horrible...
And I don't know how to change Don't want to change
Ugh... I hate all this shit

Miss my old life
Wish I could go and play football with the guys
Wish I could actually do things
Hate being here with nothing to distract me
Just want a day doing fun stuff and feeling good
Don't really want to keep going
Don't even want school holidays
But like mother told me last night...
You should be greatful for all you have got and snap out of this moody attitude. It's not attractive, not cool and it makes you seem so ungrateful. But keep on...

My dad saw my arm.
We talked about it. He said that we'll get through it, he's not mad or anything.
But right now i still feel the strong urge to cut. I don't really want to talk to someone about these issues right now. I don't even know how to explain what im thinking if i wanted to. There's so much going on in my head its overwhelming.
I dont know how to explain the fact that I want to die. He say's we'll get through this, but i dont feel like it is ever going to go away....

I knew today was going to be bad, don't get me wrong
I even prepared myself, mentally like
I had some stuff in my head, I thought I'd make it through ok, I thought I would be able to cope...
I was wrong!
It was worse than I thought
I was swallowing to hold back tears
I just wanted to leave and die
I do just want to leave and die
Can't face tomorrow
Hate Life

Feel lonely, tired and down
I know how to smile but I can't seem to do it
Dreading tomorrow
Can't stand being in a room with people who hate me all day
It's hell! It makes me want to die!
People say it'll get better
People say not to worry about them
How?
These people, I see them everyday, I share lessons everyday, I have to face them every fucking day!
I hate it I hate life
I don't see why I ended up with all these
Maybe I'm too...

Today was just horrible.
Nolan hates me.
Nolan hates me.
Nolan hates me.
Nolan hates me.
I'll never be pretty enough.
Skinny enough.
Nolan hates me.
Nolan hates me.
Nolan hates me.


With everything going on I became overwhelmed. I stopped eating, gor 2 weeks now, with little food, just for people to see..I binge it mostly. I cut deeper into my thighs. Not enough blood, though. So, I cut my stomach. I was so close...

I AM ON THE VERGE OF SUCIDE HELP

She's upset
Bad day
Heads for the dresser drawer to
Drive her pain away
Nothing good can come of this.
She opens it there's nothing
There is only left over tears
Mom and dad had no right she screams
As the anger runs down both of her cheeks.

Then she closed her eyes
And found relief in a knife
The blood flows she cries

All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief...