I am SO excited.
Today, Nolan said he would kiss me tomorrow, alone.
I can't wait. It's goung to be special.


He also kissed my hand..a guy has never done that.

What part of your body is most affected by it?
My upper thigh is affected the most. I started out on my arm, but I started doing it more often, so it became harder to cover up. I don't wear shorts that come above my knees, so I did it on my thigh. I did it on my arm a few months ago when I tried to kill myself, though. Even though my family found out i cut, only my boyfriend has found out about my thigh. I have too many scars there and I don't want anyone to see them. My boyfriend saw them...

I know people say they love me
I know it should help and it kind of does
But how do I know they're telling the truth?
People lie all the time
Why should it be any different with me?

Shit

I know I'm nothing special, I know I'm the same as everyone else, an equal.
But this is such shit

Wish I was never born.
Wish I could escape.
Why would anyone want to have a child?
Why would they want to cause pain and suffering?...

So, saw Nolan in Drama today.
We sat in the back seats of our auditorium (stage) place, by ourselves.
He said he knew about me not eating. So, I told him I ate today, but I also said I'd binge it.
He said he knew I wrote goodbye letters to everyone. So, I told him, I used to cut.
He started tearing up. Yepp, I'm positive tears came out of his eyes. It made me sick to my stomach. He hasn't cried since April, he isn't a very emotional man. He explained to me that everyone...

Let me start with: I do not believe in the bible or organised religion and I am not trying to offend anyone, it's just my opinion.
Anyway, a bible basher came to the door.
Apparently this person can tell you what happens when you die and how to be happy.
"God never causes what is wicked." So God created all humans. God therefore created Hitler. Hitler was obviously a good man, then.
It also says that "...this promised future includes perfect health...

Hello!

So today 11.10.11 is my first blog entry I did one before, but you guys can't see it
I'm going to blog about anything and everything in my life!

I'm also going to start writing my parodies and silly poetry again and put it here.

Some entrys will also just be collage things

Feel free to leave ideas please

Jem
xx

Need to cry
Need to cut
Need to die
Need to learn French
Can't learn French
Had days to do it but not had time
Test on wednesday, still know none...
What am I meant to do?
I have so much revision material and none of them work...
Music,
Re-reading,
Writing...
I just can't do it and I can't fail...
Crying...
Can't stop crying...
The stress..
The pain...
My life falling apart,
Never been so...

If I manage to get to school I'll have to spend the day pretending I'm fine. I can't let him know I'm still struggling, I have to be nice, I have to be considerate and I have to pretend things are getting better.

If I can make it till Tuesday then I can talk to Pete. Not that I'll know what to say.

I saw Nolan today.

I tried to commit suicide yesterday. My bestfriend Blake saved me.
So, today Blake demanded I got his house. My other friend Zach, had invited me to go to Generals (food place), and I refused, I told him, and Blake, that if I go there and see Nolan there, I will cry. I will break down.

Blake didn't listen.

I got to Blake's house, and we went Generals. I couldn't go any where else, and I love Blake, so I went.
I saw...

I just want it all to stop. I want to over dose. But I'm scared. Not of dying. But of dying slowly. And then there's part of me that just wants to get ill and injured. A cry for help. But in my head I don't want people to know it was on purpose. Fake an accident or something. Then I can get off school and not have to worry about anything. And if I die then it'll be fine.

I'm collecting painkillers again. I don't know whether I'll take them. I'm scared but I want this to be over. But...