Ok so in September I took leave as a staff member to try and sort myself out, as I could feel myself getting lower and lower.

Well since then...

1. I have fallen out with a girl I was sort of unofficailly seeing, made up, fallen out and made up again.

2. bunked off 7 lessons ( I am in year 12 doing my AS levels) and come up with pathetic reasons why.

3. I have relapsed in self harm

4. my relationship with God has been very...

Sometimes I think I'm recovering, I think I am...
But then I get this nagging feeling, the one that says I'll never recover...
But I will... I have to right?
Feeling a bit down, I mean I'm well exited for xmas and stuff but I've just realized something, something sad but very necessery.
I think life is starting to feel right... I think life is the right option now?
I'm not sure... But this is certainly an improvement...
And I've beem genuinely smiling a bit recently......

Im so tired of trying... I've spent the past 8 years being sexually abused by both of my cousins who are my age... I've spent 6 years dealing with cutting, bruising, and scratching myself... That entire time i was dealing with issues with my mom who mentally abused me and issues with my dad who was never there... Im so tired of trying so hard for nothing... The only one i have is my best friend and even in that she doesnt really understand and tries so hard but i just cant do it anymore. I...