"I find it kinda funny, i find it kinda sad, that the dreams in which im dying are the best ive ever ever had. Its a very very mad world"

Soo, if you read my last couple of posts, me an my mom do not get along at all.

But my mom came up to me yesterday when I was making supper and told me she is taking me shopping in Saint Cloud on Saturday, because she needs to talk to me.

So it's going to be me and my mom.......no one else..........all day........here's to hoping this goes well. Wish me luck.

There's a voice in my head telling me to lose weight. Just x more pounds. Just until you reach this weight. Just until you're underweight. Just until your BMI is this. Just until you die.

I wanted to get better but I can't do it on my own. I keep thinking I don't have a problem, like I'm in denial, but then I realise, like today, that this isn't normal and I'm out of control. But then the fact that I know I have a problem means that I can't have a problem because people with eating...

Dad, we haven't talked in weeks. It's begining to feel like months. Even years.
OH WAIT! You missed 14 years of my life!!!!!
&& this time you said you were going to be here, that you would never leave, that you promised.
Why did you lie?
It's like I do not even exist in your eyes. If you have time for my MOTHER (of all people) then why do you not have time for me?
I guess I will always be the forgotten child.
I wasn't worth haveing a loveing father...