Yesterday was amazing. It was the first day I’ve actually properly enjoyed for as long as I can remember. It was cold, wet and I had to queue for almost 4 hours, It was a 3hour drive but every minute was worth it. Me and my friend M had fun, especially finding out there was a place called Cockfosters Oh how mature are we. M's mom said she'll take us there seen as it amused us so much. We also annoyed one woman on the underground (which was actually over ground?) the lights kept randomly going on...

These past few days have been pretty good. My fake smile is getting me through.
But somthing happened with Bryan. You know, the 4 year exboyfriend? Ya. Him.
We started talking again. It was a real smile with him. He kept me laughing. I couldn't help laughing, it was too contagious. Everything with him is just ...just so...natural. And when I hugged him goodbye...I almost forgot he wasn't mine, and I wasn't his. Just for a moment. Just for a glimpse. I saw all the happy times we used...

I know im not completely alone anymore. but i still feel empty inside. without you, i feel that im nothing. where have you gone?Its been almost a year and I'm nearly dead inside. i know you'll never read this cause its shit, but i don't care. i miss you.

My throat hurts...
Can bearly utter a word...
Back on paracetamol and stuff with caffiene..
Love that.. gives me energy.. makes me feel better..
So glad I don't have real school tomorrow and just clothes show...
Not buying anything but it's a good chance to talk to C and make her love me.
I moan too much...
I should be fortunate for all I have...
Next time I talk about me or moan please stop me..
Tell me to get real and stop being stupid!

Everyday she knocks me down and because of her I'm slowly losing my mind, I just know it. I'm going crazy and I just know one day I'm going to snap

How many times can I break til I shatter? Let's find out shall we?

It flew by extremely fast. im not sure what ive gotten myself into with this "spice" shit. I wasted $40 on it. managed to float by all week. Some things i remember? falling down a lot, yelling at my boss, and sneaking off to smoke. I need to find some help i think. Today i feel numb.

I am trying to be happy.
I am trying to show myself.
I am trying.
I am trying.
I am trying.




Whenever I feel imperfect like this..I admit it, I listen to Hannah Monantas song, "Nobodys Perfect"
I dont care what anyone says, she makes me feel worth something.

Still struggling a lot but i'm super excited for Tuesday
My friend M asked me if I wanted to go to London with her and watch Russell Howard's good news being filmed. I absolutely love this guy and I'm so excited. Me and M are going to spend the day in London too. So Tuesday should be good
Also I'm getting my braces off tomorrow if all goes to plan. (: About time too

Still feeling...

I'm fucking everything up and I can't stop myself...
What's wrong with me?
I say I'm going to help... Don't ask why
I get so pissed I can't and have to leave before I regret something...
All she did was say my pudding was yummy.
Hate being shit at everything. Hate being a cruel, useless waste of space.
I know why I'm annoyed...
Because she said suicide is the ultimate act of selfishness..
Fuck Off! What does she know?

School tomorrow.....

hmm shes starting to piss me off, maybe i should spend less time with her? i dont know, i spend like everyday but the weekend with her, and she pisses me off a lot, hmmm less time during the week or hell i dont know,