Prom tonight. As if I wasn't already nervous enough, J is being a dick.

Fashionably late.

I don't want to be late.

I want to know what time he's coming to get me.

I hate feeling this anxious. I'm scared. I was already scared.

He's been dating me for over a year. Surely he knows what I'm like? It's not even a big thing, either. I just want to get there on time and I want to know when he'll be picking me up.

I think I have finally snapped, finally broken.

Suddenly i just want to cut and bleed everywhere, I want to scream in the face of the people who have hurt me, to drink until i can't stand up. And then to finally take all those pills and actually succeed at it this time ....
I'm not the strong person they think I am, i'm broken, I can't be fixed anymore.

I can't take the pain or the urges for any longer.. i'm sorry..

For a couple hours I was happy.
Now my depression is coming back.......................
I am so alone
I have ruined everything
It is all my fault
I am so so sorry

I cant live like this