Hey guys. I just needed to get this out of my system. Lately, for three or so years i have had this extreme pain in my left rib cage. It hurts and stabd when I touch it. It feels like it sqeeuzes that entire area sometims. I am really scared, because I think its a form of cancer. I am not sure, but I know I am at a high risk because of my artheritites. Yes, Im a kid, with RA. I have very scared, and realized if cancer woul destroy my life I would not want that to happen. So, I made an appuontment...

I'm sorry I can't be perfect
I'm sorry I lie
I'm sorry You don't know me like you want to
I'm sorry I don't trust you
I'm sorry I don't like you
I'm sorry I'm selfish
I'm sorry I'm not motivated
I'm sorry I'm rude
I'm sorry I hate being here
I'm sorry I don't open up to you
I'm sorry I don't make you smile
I'm sorry I can't laugh around you
I'm sorry I don't always do as you want me to
I'm sorry I'm fat
I'm sorry...

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June 1st: ACCEPTANCE: Craig, an openly gay high school student, offers tips on "coming in" just in time for Pride Month! http://bit.ly/j9pUAX...

I can't do this...

I have come to the conclusion that it must be me, i am the one common factor in all of this with my bf and parents....I deserve every bruise and cut i recieve...otherwise it wouldn't happen.

I'm just pathetic, i stand there and let it happen.. just grow up Charli...

cut cut cut

Prom tonight. As if I wasn't already nervous enough, J is being a dick.

Fashionably late.

I don't want to be late.

I want to know what time he's coming to get me.

I hate feeling this anxious. I'm scared. I was already scared.

He's been dating me for over a year. Surely he knows what I'm like? It's not even a big thing, either. I just want to get there on time and I want to know when he'll be picking me up.

I think I have finally snapped, finally broken.

Suddenly i just want to cut and bleed everywhere, I want to scream in the face of the people who have hurt me, to drink until i can't stand up. And then to finally take all those pills and actually succeed at it this time ....
I'm not the strong person they think I am, i'm broken, I can't be fixed anymore.

I can't take the pain or the urges for any longer.. i'm sorry..

For a couple hours I was happy.
Now my depression is coming back.......................
I am so alone
I have ruined everything
It is all my fault
I am so so sorry

I cant live like this

Today was a lot better than yesterday. Except that I've eaten too much.

It makes me angry, just how little self control I have.

I wish I could just stop eating.

I feel so bloated and fat right now and I hate it.

Prom tomorrow. I'm trying to act cheerful but I'm terrified. I don't want to dress up in front of people. I want to stay at home in bed.

I might not eat tomorrow. I'll be the thin girl who has so much self control...