I was going to again tonight, until I got the notification. Now I've promised myself to wait at least until the current ones have all healed.
There is so much I could write but I just want to say thank you
However, it's 1AM and I am sooo tired.

Omg u hate myself so muc. I wouldnt carebif I dued anykore. Id only b doing eveyone else a fscour. But in too selfsish to do it. Oh well. Omg im such a xunt

Drunk. Trying nt to sh. But I think im going yo. I hate my dasm we hace notuing in coonon. Ges a self ritch3uos impsyiebt cunt
hnight

So the other day, me and my boyfriend of a year had sex & out of nowhere in the middle of it all I got dry .. Like desert dry! I have NEVER had this problem, usually Im dripping, but idk what happened this time. Should I be worried? Will this happen again? It was pretty embarassing so I really need some advice ...

It never does. The stress-free me never stays for long. The stress is always lurking in the shadows.

Christmas was all right. Some fun parts then some parts that I just don't care. It's not that I wasn't happy, it's just there's no fun in Christmas for me anymore. Not when I know what 95% of my gifts are before Christmas because I have to pick them out. Not when it's the same routine. Wake up, open presents, hide in room with cool new stuff for a while and family does their thing,...

A whole 'nother year of detachment, oh the joys. Normally Christmas made me excited, but this year I almost forgot it was christmas, it just felt like a totally normal day and I acted like nothing was special... I didn't feel happy, I didn't feel sad, I felt nothing. It's painful trying to live with a distorted unreal view of the world, almost killed me once or twice this year. And I don't regret those times I considered/attempted suicide, I still really wish they'd happened, 3 months on...
...

I really want to but I won't. Not on Christmas Day (ignoring about half 12 this morning (well, yesterday morning now actually!) before I went to sleep). Dez wad really helpful with the thread I posted. I'm really grateful, that's about the third one I've wasted get time on, but it's really kind of her though.
Ah well
I'm resisting, g'night!