I relapsed and I don't care. I jus don't care and I don't know how to get that care back. 600 days clean and I relapse and I don't care. I am numb to everything and I hate to say it but it feels good to SH again. I don't know where to go from here, I don't know if I want to recover.

I have a question for those of you who have been here.

How do you explain to people around you what is going on in your head? Everyone around me wants me to be honest with them. They ask how I am and I want to answer honestly but the problem is I know they will just worry.

My answer now is that I don't want to live. This isn't me actively planning and taking action but the basic answer is I don't want to live. I don't want to be here and people get really concerned...

I can't believe I let it get to that point. To the point where I was sat ready to end it all. I let it all get too far but I am sat here now and I don't regret it. So much of me wants to but I just don't, the only bit I regret is not finishing it, and I know that is not a great mindset to be in but it is just how I am and I wish it wasn't. I am the type of person that is always positive and has always got everything under control. I have talked multiple friends back from that point but I just can't...