SunShine2002 Offline

I lasted 450 days without any big melt down and then this milestone came along. For the first time ever I ended up in AnE. I was unable to keep myself safe and ended up in hospitle. Now that sucked. I felt like I had failed by going there for help and then I felt like I had wasted their time by being there. Everyone else there was sick I was wasnt... not in my eyes anyway. It ended alright, I did not relapse but I dont know... what has happened i think is in some ways is worse. The docters and now...

Since last time a lot has happened.
Since last time I have been put on medication that works for me and I have been coping since.
Since last time I have gotten in to university.
Since last time I have flown past my target of being one year clean and have kept on flying.
Since last time I have been keeping a mainly positive attitude though I still have my bad time.
Since last time I have been looking forward till when I move out.
Since last time I have...

So after a phone call this morning I have been started on medication. What I thought would be a release has just made me feel worse and I have not even started them yet my first dose is in the morning. I feel like I have let everybody down by not managing this without meds. I haven't even told anyone yet because I don't know where to start.

At this point I just hope they work. I don't know how much more of things not working I can take.

First Bird

As I turned 18 today I decided to contact the doctors about looking into medication to try and help me deal with my emotions, at the moment they have an online system so I completed that and they got back to me straight away. I have a phone call with them in the morning. I will be difficult as I struggle with phone calls but it is what needs to be done.

Second Bird

My dad had a friend around this evening, we are still in lock down and should...

So at the minute counselling for me is on Zoom and I have been moved back to fortnightly sessions instead of monthly sessions. Last week we discussed the fact that my mood has been plummeting a lot over the past year or two and that as I turn 18 on Thursday I should look into medication as she thinks that is the best option. When I heard this I felt so ashamed as I thought I was handling it and to be told I haven't been and that medication might be my only option kinda sucked. Now I am not against...