I really want to but I won't. Not on Christmas Day (ignoring about half 12 this morning (well, yesterday morning now actually!) before I went to sleep). Dez wad really helpful with the thread I posted. I'm really grateful, that's about the third one I've wasted get time on, but it's really kind of her though.
Ah well
I'm resisting, g'night!

Or not, as the case may be. Turns out, I was self harming as it hit christmas day. I know people want christmas to be memorable, but not like that.
I have a bone to pick with nature. Why is self harm the easiest on my arms??? I've been trying to stick to only cutting my thighs as no one will ever see them, but cutting my arms is so much easier. Its so annoying as that is where I scar quite easily, and after my face that part of my body that is visible most often. I only wear long sleeved...

I literally cannot stop myself. Every day. Even on Christmas Eve, when I should be happy.
And I'm not sure if I'm developing an ED or not. Because I'm so self concious about my mouth, I never eat in public, skip breakfast whenever I can, and eat less in between meals, so I basically only now only eat dinner. Even then its because my mum is on the room. Every time I look in the mirror I'm filled with self loathing.
So not only am I trying not to self harm half an hour before christmas...

Didn't really drink much, plus food, so sobered up pretty fast, but already too triggered
Aaaaahhhhh well

I can feel the numbness alcohol brings coursing through my body already. I haven't eaten all day, which only intensifies the effect. Its the closest thing to a sensory deprivation "drug" I have, so I appreciate the existence,seeing as I've never tried any form of illegal recreational drug, but the only problem is it makes self harm a lot easier, and lowers inhibitions.

I had quite a good day today, went out ( :O ).
The weird thing is, the better day I have, the more down I feel at night. So if I have a really good or bad day, I end up cutting at night, but not on a mediocre day.
Meh, what can you do?

Whereas before I could go maybe 2 weeks' now it's almost every night
Never use twitter, don't have an account, bit l but I came across this account @welltbh that is literally me, besides gender.

Whereas before I could go maybe 2 weeks' now it's almost every night
Never use twitter, don't have an account, bit l but I came across this account @welltbh that is literally me, besides gender.

Got rid of the ticker, depressing having to reset it all the time and for other people to see under every post I make
Secret santa in mai form was shit, I got a bag full of sweets, chocolate etc, given to me by someone I haven't really spoken to this year. I could almost see people thinking "ummmm this is awkward, will he eat them here? That'd be horrible". I gave it all away to my friends come lunch, I even felt self concious doing that, just the fact that I had them.
So...