My mum wants to talk to me. I'm scared. I don't know what to say. But I want help. I really want help.

But I've eaten something. I've been good today. I'd eaten too little so I decided to raise my calorie goal and eat a snack. So perhaps I can stop falling into an ED by myself? I hope so, because it had been getting worse.

I feel sick and shaky.

The pills are still there. Most of them, anyway.

I don't know what to do with myself.

Exercise until I collapse.

I should eat more.

But I don't want to.

I'm hungry. But I'm fighting it. Why am I fighting it?

Why does it feel like life is my enemy, like I'm my enemy?

Why does it feel like it's not worth it?

Why do I just want it to be over?...