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Don't know

Posted July 5th 2011 at 08:37 AM by Evanesco (Lost in Time and Space)

I feel so odd, I don't even know what to say here. I'm blogging for the sake of blogging so I don't have to do anything else. Because I don't know how I feel.
Well, I know I have a head ache. And it hurts. And I know I feel hungry. But I'm not eating. And I know that I feel lonely, but I have the means to contact people and I just can't be bothered.
I don't know what to do with myself right now.

Evanesco

Linguistics geek

Posted in Uncategorized

Views 331 Comments 0 Evanesco is offline

Trig

Posted July 3rd 2011 at 09:33 PM by Evanesco (Lost in Time and Space)

Thanks mum.

Yeah, I know.

I'm horrible.

Thanks for reminding me.

No one to talk to.

No contact.

What now?

Cut.

Cut. Cut. Cut.

Please. Just make it stop.

I want to die.

Evanesco

Linguistics geek

Posted in Uncategorized

Views 335 Comments 0 Evanesco is offline

New photo

Posted July 3rd 2011 at 08:10 PM by Evanesco (Lost in Time and Space)

Second day of the project. I like this photo. It sums up everything that guinea pigs are, all that curiosity. I'm quite proud of it. I mean, I'm rubbish at taking photos and my camera is crap, but it has meaning.

Someone popped up on facebook chat. A friend of a friend. Started saying hi. I was on the phone to J at the time, I told him, I was surprised. He said maybe they just wanted to talk to me, you know,

...

Evanesco

Linguistics geek

Posted in Uncategorized

Views 357 Comments 0 Evanesco is offline

Trig? Possibly. ED

Posted July 3rd 2011 at 11:28 AM by Evanesco (Lost in Time and Space)

Oh god. I can smell food.
I've already over eaten today.
I need to stop. I need to get out of here. It's killing me.
But I'll feel so guilty.
I don't know what to do.
Help. Help me.
I can smell it, wafting up the stairs.
I'm going to shut the door. Open the windows. Get rid of the smell. Just stop it. Stop it. Stop cooking. Please, dad. Just stop.
Exercise. I'll exercise. And then I'll tidy my room. And write that story. And ignore the food....

Evanesco

Linguistics geek

Posted in Uncategorized

Views 365 Comments 0 Evanesco is offline

365 image

Posted July 3rd 2011 at 10:09 AM by Evanesco (Lost in Time and Space)

First 365 image posted. It's rubbish. But hey. I'll get better.

Lazy day today. Get some stuff done, relax, try and feel better about myself.

Had a good cry with J last night. Not even sure why.

Evanesco

Linguistics geek

Posted in Uncategorized

Views 374 Comments 0 Evanesco is offline

Life

Posted July 2nd 2011 at 06:32 AM by Evanesco (Lost in Time and Space)

About to go do my paper round. I should just quit the stupid thing. I don't want to get up early on a Saturday.

But then my mum would make me get another job, and at least with this one I don't have to talk to anyone because I already have the job and I just stick papers through people's doors.

Sorry if I'm rambling. I'm tired.

I'm going to take my camera. Try and get

...

Evanesco

Linguistics geek

Posted in Uncategorized

Views 391 Comments 0 Evanesco is offline

Trig: ED

Posted July 1st 2011 at 09:31 PM by Evanesco (Lost in Time and Space)

I've had a good day, in general. I've been happy. I've been positive. I've felt good about myself.

But now I feel insanely guilty. I ate too much for dinner, too much fatty food. I feel ill and bloated and guilty and fat.

I'll exercise tomorrow. But it's hard to restrict when two out of three meals are being watched carefully. I just wish I looked better.

...

Evanesco

Linguistics geek

Posted in Uncategorized

Views 368 Comments 1 Evanesco is offline

Trig: Suicide/SH/ED

Posted July 1st 2011 at 11:22 AM by Evanesco (Lost in Time and Space)

I have two years. Two years to sort myself out. Two years and then I can escape from prying eyes and people asking me how I am.

Part of me wants it. I want to leave home and be on my own, to skip meals, to cut, to overdose. I want to destroy myself. Living here hurts because I keep everything inside. Two years time and I can let it all out.

Part of my doesn't. I want to get better. I don't want

...

Evanesco

Linguistics geek

Posted in Uncategorized

Views 358 Comments 2 Evanesco is offline

Leave me be

Posted June 29th 2011 at 09:23 AM by Evanesco (Lost in Time and Space)

Leave me be and let me collapse.

Evanesco

Linguistics geek

Posted in Uncategorized

Views 326 Comments 0 Evanesco is offline

Anxious

Posted June 28th 2011 at 02:36 PM by Evanesco (Lost in Time and Space)

Prom tonight. As if I wasn't already nervous enough, J is being a dick.

Fashionably late.

I don't want to be late.

I want to know what time he's coming to get me.

I hate feeling this anxious. I'm scared. I was already scared.

He's been dating me for over a year. Surely he knows what I'm like? It's not even a big thing, either. I just want to get there on time and I want to know when he'll be picking me up.

Evanesco

Linguistics geek

Posted in Uncategorized

Views 334 Comments 0 Evanesco is offline

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