It never does. The stress-free me never stays for long. The stress is always lurking in the shadows.

Christmas was all right. Some fun parts then some parts that I just don't care. It's not that I wasn't happy, it's just there's no fun in Christmas for me anymore. Not when I know what 95% of my gifts are before Christmas because I have to pick them out. Not when it's the same routine. Wake up, open presents, hide in room with cool new stuff for a while and family does their thing,...

Everything is triggering me right now which absolutely sucks. Art class made me want to cut myself so bad yesterday, which art hadn't done that to me in a long time. I wanted to cry and just stopped working for a while until my teacher walked up to me and asked me if I was confused and helped me. I'm so stupid. Can't even do simple art projects right let alone harder ones (and this one wasn't even hard).

My friend got into Wesleyan University. I probably should be happy for her but...