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Not okay right now. (Triggering)

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Posted November 22nd 2013 at 11:08 PM by Melancholia.

Well, at this very moment I'm calm I guess but I know things are going to set me off. And they're going to set me off hard.

I don't know if it's because I have my period or what the hell this is but.

I didn't cut myself today but I did for two days straight. I mean it's not a horrible cycle but. It's not saying I didn't want to cut today, but things got in the way when I was triggered.

I almost started crying in like every class, had kids tell me to calm down, had a teacher tell me to stop talking so fast because it sounds like gibberish. Natural fast talker but I think it was worse because I was so stressed.

So worthless. Not gonna make it anywhere in life.

Have been having urges to try burning out but can't find the lighter. Probably for the best.

When I cut the other day it was bad I guess. When I say the bathwater was orange, it wasn't just a tint this time. It was like a dark orange. And it ended up bleeding through my pajamas in my sleep. I freaked out and tried a lot to get some of the blood out and I think I got enough out where I can say my cuticle on my finger must have been bleeding and I touched my pants but now I also have to explain why it's all stiff and gross from the soap.

Overslept this morning. Just felt so depressed and wished I could fake sick but knew I couldn't.

Want nothing more than to make every part of my body covered in cuts. But I can't. I have to hide.
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  1. Old Comment
    Thereishope's Avatar
    Dezi!

    *glomps you so you're covered in me* ok that sounds slightly odd but it's way better then what you wanted to be covered in, i prettier! or um handsomer? Yes I know I also just texted you this as well but hey 2 times is better, right!? Anyway, I know we've discussed this idk how many times now but I do think you're right and I hope that 1 day this gets sorted out! Also, no trying to burn yrouself! No crispy Dezi allowed, mk? mk! *attempts to get back to serious mode* Try to focus on finding alternative ways to deal with your stress and urges. It can be anything or even a bunch of things to pass the time and calm yourself till the urges pass. You can do this, I know you can! As always I'm only a keystroke away if you ever need anything. Keep your chin up! Well, just not to high up, staring at the sun is highly not recommended! !
    permalink
    Posted November 23rd 2013 at 12:24 AM by Thereishope Thereishope is offline
 


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