Ugh... Oldness... Decisions... Impossible
Been given the A-Level book, have to decide what to do with life...
How on earth am I meant to decide?
16 subjects to choose from... 4 subjects to do...
Not sure how to choose, don't know what I want to do...
Same grades all round... Hate/Like all subjects the same...
IDIOT!

I wander if I should give up, not do A-Levels, not go to uni and just be a loser.
That would be easy... That would suit me fine....

I don't think I am strong.
I seriously doubt the whole concept.
I cry everyday when I am home.
Nothing goes right.
I seriously can't go left.
I'm screwed up.
But I am trying.
I suppose that is what you call "strong"

But I'm not.

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Sat in the internet cafe in college. Debating whether or not to have a hot chocolate and something to eat to see if it wakes me up any. Emailed Frank to tell him I was in but just not in class and he came down to see me to make sure I was okay and not having any problems with people in the class or the work we're doing. It's really good how supportive my tutors are being over my lack of motivation to go into class. I'm meeting with support this afternoon so hopefully I can talk to them about it...

I can't take this.
I have been single. And sure,now, nothing is wrong.
That's what it should be anyway...
But I want a guy.
I know, I'm waiting.
Waiting for it to "just happen"
But I'm afraid.
I am absolutely terrified....
That I am going to end up alone.
I wish when I had Bryan I had such knowledge I have now..
Then Bryan and I could have been perfect.
But that is all over now.
Alex is over.
Nolan...

I've been googling how to be beautiful and the likes a lot today. The result:

• Be thin
• Nice hair
• Good skin
• Natural but pretty make-up
• Amazing personality
• Good hygeine

I can do one of those... My hygeine is good... Although most people say obbsessivly good so I guess that's not attractive either. I really want to look good... Even when I try hard I can't do it... I'm no good at beauty stuff so I look a mess ALL the time

I know about being beautiful on the inside and all...

I hate being ugly.
I hate not having the option of being pretty.
Went to the hairdressers today, even then I look a mess.
I want to be attractive, have people look at me and not be like you're ugly or, when was the last time you actually looked nice?
I'd love to have a nice face and hair that shines and looks good.
Nobody likes an ugly person and how can you take someone that looks like Kate Bush seriously?
Wish I was like C. C's beautiful and doesn't have to...

I'm a boy who bullies my brother. It always seems to occur when im being bullied anything he does it seems to annoy the life out of me. I just lose it, i kick him over him trying to be funny. My mum and dad always take his side in other arguments even if they dont see what happens that makes me even more annoyed at him but except when im not getting bullied at school me and him get on so well we would do anything together but i dont know how to control it.any advice?

dannyboy17...

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Got to go to school in a sec...
Got a lift so I have spare time...
Dreading it...
Don't want to go...
Look a mess..
Feel a mess..
Another day being laughed at...
Everyone knows I'm a freak
Everyone hates me.
I hate being me..
Want to SH but doing so well...
Want to cry but can't go with red eyes...
Seriously not sure how to make it through another day
Even the weekend isn't exciting
Want To Die

Needless to say it didn't work anyway. I'm sat back in my bed like the fatass I am despite having eaten far too much today. I think I've finally drilled it into my brain that I can't cut. But it seems that replacing those urges are now imulses to exercise and eat a ridiculous amount in order to "gain perfection"
I don't even know what that is yet. I keep noticing these imperfections in my reflection and it's really bothering me. My eyes are different sizes, my nostrils are huge,...