I have to leave for college in 20 minutes. It's taken me the past almost half hour I've been up to make myself get dressed and ready.
I can feel it happening again. Started thinking of different ways to get out of college. Still am. But I can't.! SAAS haven't even approved my course funding yet. And they've moved the required attendance up to 95% which is ridiculous.
I thought it'd be better this year. Because I actually like the course and how much freedom I have over it. There's...

I really hate school. Today was the first day and I already got detention:P But it was for a really stupid reason, theres these 3 girls at my school and if your gay, bi, lesbian, ect they try to make your life hell. Anyways so me and Zane were walking by them minding our own business when they start telling us they hope we burn in hell and shit. (Zane's gay) I never really let them bother me but today I turned around kissed Zane and gave them the finger No big deal, but then the principal...

Feeling down, I promised myself I wouldn't do this, I promised I would stay strong, but I'm slipping, slipping big time.
I don't know what to do... I can't stay happy... Something will always bring me fucking down, even if nothing's wrong...
What do i do? I try so fucking hard... I do things I like, but something will make it turn to shit.
I think it was this girl L who brough me down... She invaded running club, somewhere I'm free, away from all the bitches at school... But...

Just been to see my cat, she's got one of those neck colar things on. She keeps crying and i felt so horrible and helpless just couldn't do anything.
The vet said that if she's not improved by wednesday then they'll have to opperate, but he doesn't want to do that because he doesn't think that she'll make it. I really hope she's ok. I don't think i could handle loosing her. She's the one thing i care about most in the world, the only one who knows when i'm upset and how to chear me up. The...

Saw the CPN today. Feels like it was kind of pointless. Mum came with me and she'd typed out a list of stuff she wanted to talk about so that really helped. And she explained a lot of things for me which was also good. But apparently my almost obsessive habit of checking the contents of everything I eat and being able to see rolls of fat where apparently no one else can is just me being a normal teenager. In fact, just about everything I mentioned is me being a normal teen. She didn't listen, just...

I did it.
Like little red lines, they go across my upper thigh. I hate it. Just looking, I'm disgusting myself. It feels like my only way to relieve stress, and when I do it I can't feel it. Like I am gone.

I know there are other ways to get rid of this pain. I am going to try them, I have to stop letting this get the best of me...
I'm going to tell my boyfriend tomorrow. I a, going to show him the scars. I hope he accpets me still I know I will cry, I know I...

so i wasn't sure if i had a minor depression or anything..after reading an article in a magazine it hit me that maybe i did. I have been feeling really low for awhile and nothing really triggered it. I stopped hanging out with my friends and got really stressed out a lot over homework and studying. I would study for 4 hours just for a quiz because i needed to get a 100. I always wanted to be perfect because thats what people expect from me. My depression has died down a little and i don't cut myself...

Sorry. .

This time won't you save me?
I think it's time I gice up. Or have I already given up?
Is life really planned out from the moment you take your first breath? If it is, is there a reason some of us have a "destiny" to be lost? Are we there to get saved? Or are we here because even if we can't deal with our own problems, we can solve everybody elses? No matter if their problem is the same or more difficult then our own?
What am I worth?
Nothing.
I feel...

I seem to be the most heartless bitch these days and i want to know where the hell did I leave my heart? One of my best friends tried to talk to me and I couldn't even give him 2 minutes of my time. where the hell is my heart? i was too busy worrying about my other best friend that lost his brother and his father, years ago, but i could see that it was bothering him.
so i'm sitting here trying to find what inside me has broken, what part of me that leaves me incapable of caring about...