Spent the morning in a St. Andrew's Hospice shop. From 10 until 1 I got to check all the bits were in 2 games, and hang up some clothes. It got to the point where I took a book out of the donation box just so I had something to do. Not planning on going back. I'm happy to volunteer but I need to be kept busy. Distracted. I need my mind to be working. Like at the bar when I have to remember drinks orders, work out the change, keep everything stocked, and keep enough clean glasses behind the counter....

Sat here crying....again. Feel so pathetic. Today hasn't been to bad. I feel low and still want to feel pain and OD so badly but i forced myself to leave the house, met up with some friends. Had a few laughs. Decided that it would be a good idea to have a wheres wally themed party and everyone dress up a wally Made me laugh. My sister may have it for her birthday

I'm not sure how i feel right now. Thinking about things, everything seems so messed up. Feel shakey and horrible....

So Hailie's been really pissed off at me lately, The first time she spoken to me in 2 days was this morning to ask me if I could watch her baby sister Dani for an hour. Me trying to be a good friend said yes, Its now 12 hours later, She hasn't come back yet. I'm nervous to just put her to bed and leave her, cause I'm scared she roll of the bed or something. Dani has no bed, no carrying thing, nothing. Just some food and diapers. And the crying, She hasn't stopped in hours Me and Blake have to...

Should never have sent that text. Should never have said anything to her. Said to much. She hates me now. Well congratulations Emma, thats another thing that you have messed up.

Can't stop thinking about the past. I'd give anything for things to be how they were. To have her back in my life. To have my dad here and not with that idiot. To see her happy again. To have not started self harming. To have never told her about this.

Can't stop these thoughts. I can't control...

Feel so low right now. Don't care about anything anymore. resorted to pills this morning at like 4am just so i could sleep. Took to many but oh well who cares.
Think i'd have probably just walked infront of a car or something last night if it wasn't for someone amazing. Thanks beauitful, you know who you are. <3
Feel so dizzy and fuzzy. Just want to hide away and sleep. Preferably never getting up again. Feel so pathetic and horrible. Want to feel something other than this pain. Wanttogobuypills....

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I don't care anymore and neither should you.
May just go a walk in the dark to the main road walk infront of a car or something anthing just for this to fucking stop. Want to take more pills. Probably will don't care anymore

I'm so confused about myself right now. Perhaps I'll just stop thinking. Perhaps I'll forget about it all and if I end up killing myself or cutting or starving then I'll have to start thinking again. How can things keep swinging from good to bad and back to good again? Is it just hormones? I swear to God I hope this is just hormones.

My nan gave me a letter today basically of things she's always wanted to say to me but has never known how. Some of the things that she said really opened my eyes to everything and made me realise i have to change the way I am at the moment, the one paragraph that keeps going through my head is this: 'Charlotte, I wish you knew how proud I am of you; there is going to be a day soon when I am not going to be here to tell you this but I need you to remember that. You are going to go far but...