http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrkgV5bl7kQ

I've been missing Jimmy a lot lately, especially since I decided on joining the reserves and such. Jimmy was killed on his 4th and final tour last year. He wasn't even supposed to be on the tour, He went in his friends place cause his friend had a baby on the way. He stepped on a IED.
I don't know, This song makes me sad and happy. If that makes sense. :\

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
It's sucks. It will be my birthday in a couple hours and I have to go the hospital.
I lost my only friend, but gained my ex of four years. We are completely starting over.
And you know what??? I hate it.
Alan, was my only friend he taught me everything. He was my love and strength. I would give up Bryan(boyfriend) for Alan. Alan doesnt have a place in my heart. He became my heart.
My Family situation. I feel like I don't belong...

I was talking to some of my friends and I realized something, If I keep doing what I'm doing now, I'm going nowhere in life. I've made a couple decisions. I'm not going to let my dad run my life, I'm not taking Leda back, and I'm going to try and quit smoking.
I was also thinking about my future, I decided when I turn 18 I want to join the army. My friends aren't too impressed, But honestly, I don't care anymore. I'm going to do what makes me happy. If that means joining the army, then...

I saw Leda today. She said she wants me back. I have no idea what to say, She put me through hell But I still love her. Brent told me I shouldn't go back with her.. I don't even know anymore...

Found out one of the few people that actually even bothers talking to me at my school is leaving, she didn't get high enough grades. She was the only person who talked to me for months and now shes not going to be there. Seriously can this school get any worse?

Feel so disgusting. Haven't eaten today. Everyone asked me why i wasn't eating at lunhc, just said i wasn't hungry. My own friend looked at me as if to say lier, you need to eat. But she didn't call me up on it, she knew what...

Ergh can't stand myself. Hate myself so much. Fatfatfatfatfatfatfatfat need to lose weight. Starve Emma, you don't deserve food. You dont deserve anything.


Feel so alone right now. Hate been the only one thats never invited to all these parties. Hate been the only one of my so called friends that doesn't get invited out. Noone wants to spend time with me. Apparently i'm to much effort and...

OMG Charli, nice going...you're so stupid, pathetic and worthless!
I feeling like crying but i know he'll get annoyed if I do, i'm just being selfish...
Cutting seems to be my only option right now and somewhere he won't see it >_<

L from the crisis teams been calling most the morning. Don't want to talk. Don't want to go out, don't want to see anyone, don't want to be alive.

I'm such a horrible person