Then she closed her eyes
found relief in a knife
the blood flows as she cries.

Got a craft knife yesterday. Looked sharp. Came with 6 replacement blades. But it doesn't work.
I sat in the shower. Running it repeatedly over the same spot. Digging deeper. And it didn't work.
WHY WON'T IT BLEED MORE.
Why can't I make it bleed more.
Guess I'll just have to keep trying.
Done with everything. Want to drink and overdose and cut.
I'm

...

everyone hates my girlfriend. including my 2 best friends (girls) and my girlfriend hates both of them, and im afraid that one of those 2 groups will make me choose between them, and ik ill pick my friends. but i dont want to

Somewhere too far for us to find
forgotten the taste and smell
of the world that she's left behind.

I don't know where I am. I feel like I'm stuck at a dead end with nowhere to go. I need to get out of here for a while. But everyone seems so set against me studying in England. My tutor thinks I'm not well enough. My dad thinks it's stupid.

...

Met with Shona and Ann this morning. Was a waste of time. Shona kept saying that I'm not well and need to get better before I can do another course at college. I told her I want to move to England to study psychology and got a lecture on how pointless that would be.
I've already decided I want to go. I need to get away. I need to live my own life the way I want to. I'm sick of taking the safe option. I want to take some risks and benefit from them. I really think I could do better when I'm

...

365 days and 19 hours ago I honestly thought I'd never wake up if I fell asleep.
I can't believe it was a year ago. It doesn't feel that long since I wanted to die. At the same time, feels like this has been going on forever.
If I had died, I wonder what would have happened.
If it had worked, I wonder who'd have noticed.

Every high has an equal low. I didn't believe it until today. Someone told me that I was bad at one of the ONLY things that kept me happy. Another failure in my life. After an amazing day yesterday I got in an argument with a teacher. Why? For standing up for myself when he told me I was bad at the violin. Fuck you. I was so pissed all day. There was my low. I didn't even eat today. Not like I eat any other day, but I was going to today. Everyone thinks me not eating is a joke. It's really not,...

Source: Newsletter | Issue 12 | If you would like to receive the full quality HTML version via email please sign up.


TeenHelp Newsletter #12 - March 15th 2011 - http://www.teenhelp.org

Welcome to the TeenHelp Newsletter! Our Newsletter contains a lot of useful information about our current work, including updates to our site and services, work with our partners and affiliates, details of upcoming events, short bits of advice, interesting...

For once I am actually kinda glad that I live in Scotland. At least I can UNDERSTAND our education system. I'm thinking of going to study Psychology at college in England because the course looks amazing and it covers bits about being psychic in the second year which fascinates me. But it's so bloody complicated! God.
I already emailed the college because their requirements only had GCSEs and I wanted to know if my Scottish grades would be okay since there was nothing about that. Point 1:...

I realized something today, I don't need the butterfly project. Oh and about that I don't know if it really worked, once Mikaela faded I forgot all about it. But, anyway I don't need it. I realized that every time I feel like cutting I already do something to take my mind off of it. I realized that I write on my homework. Not like my name or the actual work, but I write smile all over it or my favorite bands, but every time I make sure I write a huge SMILE somewhere I know my teacher will see it....

I feel so stupid. Sitting in the college library, I don't want to be here. At all. Only way I could handle staying is with a sharp object. A very sharp object. But I didn't bring anything with me. I'm trying to get by the want need to always have something sharp with me.
This is so ridiculous. I'm only at college ONE day per week and I can't even handle that. I keep thinkIng about walking out. Goig into Hamilton. Maybe to the cinema. Anything to keep me busy and distracted. Holding off until...