I realized something today, I don't need the butterfly project. Oh and about that I don't know if it really worked, once Mikaela faded I forgot all about it. But, anyway I don't need it. I realized that every time I feel like cutting I already do something to take my mind off of it. I realized that I write on my homework. Not like my name or the actual work, but I write smile all over it or my favorite bands, but every time I make sure I write a huge SMILE somewhere I know my teacher will see it....

I feel so stupid. Sitting in the college library, I don't want to be here. At all. Only way I could handle staying is with a sharp object. A very sharp object. But I didn't bring anything with me. I'm trying to get by the want need to always have something sharp with me.
This is so ridiculous. I'm only at college ONE day per week and I can't even handle that. I keep thinkIng about walking out. Goig into Hamilton. Maybe to the cinema. Anything to keep me busy and distracted. Holding off until...

I'm such a wreck today. I was working from just after 7 last night until around midnight/1am at the bar. It was a charity function and it was really busy so I was exhausted. Didn't sleep till around 3am and my parents dragged me up to go to church this morning (Cause you know, I'm so religious and everything. )
Had a horrible dream about L last night. I haven't seen him in over a year and I stopped going to the parties and stuff because he was starting to really scare me. But he was in...

I've been thinking lately about moving out and never really looked into it. Today I got a great website from a certain LHO who was very helpful. And the people there referred me to another site which was more focussed on my area. Through that I found THIS wonderful page which told me all about living costs. Which is excellent. Since I'm looking for a job, I figured it'd be helpful to have an idea of how much I might need to save and what kind of hours I'd need to work to be able to afford to

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I'm sitting here, not even knowing why I'm. This week is been the worst possible week I've ever had. And now becca and I broke up. I don't want to be done with her. But tbh its either gonna happen now or later. Not really a point in dragging it out.

I havn't hurt this much in a long time. It feels like I'm being sucker punched in the gut repeatedly. And being stabbed, can't forget the stabbing.

Right now I can't decide if I'm going to just lock everything up and not feel...

Everything is always my fault. You can never take responsibility for anything. You can't admit just once that it's your fault can you? I'm ungrateful? Okay sure, let's say that I am. Who's fault is it? Of course it's mine. I raised my self remember. You were to busy doing whatever the fuck you were doing. I can't believe you made me feel like this again. After all the progress I've made, now I'm back to square one. I've never felt like running away more then I do right now. Bags packed and ready....

Last night I realized that, maybe, I just might be, a bisexual girl trapped in a guy's body, I'm scared and feel alone I don't know what to do...

Can't do anything right, can I? Saw my doctor today. I had a list of thing she needed to know on a small bit of paper. But I sat and fidgeted with it the whole time.
Told her I overdosed again. Refused another blood test. She gave me a booklet with some numbers in it. Said to call one of them if I wanted to overdose again.
She knows I'm still cutting but doesn't seem hugely concerned about it. Luckily. Couldn't find the words to tell her I don't feel safe when I'm home on my own....

Sooo should i cast a hex on the guy who got me suspended....? I was studying Wicca but then I decided to just drop the Wiccan stuff but still study Witchcraft (yes I know that is very bad and immoral and blah blah blah I DON'T CARE. But I do what I do cause it suits what I need done, I am a very selfish person when it comes to revenge but when it comes to helping the people I care about I'm selfLESS.) So anywaysssss, hex or curse? and which one?