On the inside I'm a mess, although I pretend to be so put-together & so sane.
When in reality, I'm just a lost lonely soul.
Waiting for the end to all of the chaos that controls my mind.
I'm nothing now, hollow & filled with pain I cannot erase & memories I'm too scared to face.
My mind wanders as I try to understand everything I cannot change.
The world is so foggy & damp with destruction.
And through my eyes no clarity could be found, for...

Get the picture? I'm not okay.

And I don't know why.

Last night I had to call Live Help because I wanted to cut and even though I was outwardly, and maybe inwardly calm, my brain was telling me to take the pills.

Today I got that weird chest feeling again and cut a lot and I can't calm down and I want to cut some more and I was supposed to be asleep...

everything i do is just so stupid. i cant make anyone happy , everything i do its all blah and i always make mistakes in peoples eyes. mostly my fathers and i dont understand why.
i hate how i do this and i dont understand how i can make a happy person into a sad , miserable person.. /:
i reallly hate this , just by posting some of these blogs i know that im probly making someone sad..
i just hate thiis feeling i have ...