Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.
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Dolan
I can't get enough
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Name: Cody
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Location: USA
Posts: 2,029
Points: 19,933, Level: 20 |
Join Date: January 6th 2009
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 29th 2009, 03:35 PM
I'm not sick of you and I never will be. You can always talk to me, ok?
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Banned
Regular TeenHelper
*****
Name: LauRAWR!
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Location: Trapped in a messed up mind
Posts: 434
Points: 12,528, Level: 16 |
Join Date: January 8th 2009
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 29th 2009, 03:41 PM
I just...I...I don't know what I want anymore...
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Dolan
I can't get enough
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Name: Cody
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Location: USA
Posts: 2,029
Points: 19,933, Level: 20 |
Join Date: January 6th 2009
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 29th 2009, 03:47 PM
Well, you want to be happy, right? Just start there, try to be happy and when you have started in that direction, focus on what you want next.
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Banned
Regular TeenHelper
*****
Name: LauRAWR!
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Location: Trapped in a messed up mind
Posts: 434
Points: 12,528, Level: 16 |
Join Date: January 8th 2009
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 29th 2009, 03:53 PM
I was fricking attempting to be happy, I was happy yesterday, and today and then he started...fucking stupid bastard * SH some more...*
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Dolan
I can't get enough
*********
Name: Cody
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Location: USA
Posts: 2,029
Points: 19,933, Level: 20 |
Join Date: January 6th 2009
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 29th 2009, 03:59 PM
Well, if you've been happy two das in a row, that proves you can do it for longer. It's almost like you're breaking your addiction to depression. You have to start small, a few days at a time, but eventually it will get easier to stay happier longer.
I'm so sorry you're feeling worse now. Can you ask him to stop?
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Banned
Regular TeenHelper
*****
Name: LauRAWR!
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Location: Trapped in a messed up mind
Posts: 434
Points: 12,528, Level: 16 |
Join Date: January 8th 2009
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 29th 2009, 04:00 PM
I wish I could rewind time. Right now, I could just walk down to the doctors surgery and break down there. I'd scream for help, because I fucking want to die so badly tonight. I really do 
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Dolan
I can't get enough
*********
Name: Cody
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Location: USA
Posts: 2,029
Points: 19,933, Level: 20 |
Join Date: January 6th 2009
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 29th 2009, 04:09 PM
Laura, I know it's hard, but you are making huge progress. You are happy alot more than you were when I first started talking to you. I know if you just stay strong and stick with it you'll make it through this.
If you need help, ask someone for it, ok?
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Banned
Regular TeenHelper
*****
Name: LauRAWR!
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Location: Trapped in a messed up mind
Posts: 434
Points: 12,528, Level: 16 |
Join Date: January 8th 2009
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 29th 2009, 04:12 PM
aha. . . . .
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choose wisely
Junior TeenHelper
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Name: Robin
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Location: Canada
Posts: 223
Points: 18,303, Level: 19 |
Join Date: January 6th 2009
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 29th 2009, 05:25 PM
Laura please your important to me and to alot of people here, you know that. And you shouldn't let what your stupid brother do influence your decisions on your life, he isn't worth it.
You're amazing just the way you are 
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Member
Not a n00b
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Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 97
Points: 11,810, Level: 15 |
Join Date: January 6th 2009
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 29th 2009, 10:17 PM
Cody & Robin are completely right, Laura. You're a strong person, and you can get through this.
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Banned
Regular TeenHelper
*****
Name: LauRAWR!
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Location: Trapped in a messed up mind
Posts: 434
Points: 12,528, Level: 16 |
Join Date: January 8th 2009
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 30th 2009, 09:48 AM
Sick. That's what you are. You're sick of me. Sick of my moaning. Sick of my stupid attempts. Sick of me being around. Just sick...of me. So I spent most of the day at the hospital today. My brother and I made a pact last night, only he seemed to be much better at it than I. I got scared, I couldn't let him die so I called an ambulance, only he told them about me also. I got discharged at like noon, seeing as I failed yet again, but he's still in. I can't stop crying. I'm scared im going to lose him and then that's going to be my fault, because everything is my fault. It hurts, it hurts so much...
Everyone hates me now. Faith, Elliot, Jake...I could go on...last night, well, I had this stupid idea that if I got them all to hate me, then it'd make leaving much easier. So I was pretty mean to everyone...I didn't mean what I said, it killed me but I had to do it, because I needed them to say that they hated me...
My mind works in weird ways, okay?
So yeah, I now have to see a psychiatrist/councellor person whoever...and I don't want to but it seems i'm being forced into it. I've been given some leafets about suicide and dealing with it from the hospital. They said next time I felt down I should call the Samaritans. Thing is, I wouldn't dare because one of my friends works on the phones and if she answered my call...well...yeah...
I'm sick. I'm sick of my moaning but I'm breaking down. I can't take anymore, and no one understands
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Dolan
I can't get enough
*********
Name: Cody
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Location: USA
Posts: 2,029
Points: 19,933, Level: 20 |
Join Date: January 6th 2009
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 30th 2009, 10:18 AM
I'm not sick of you! How could that even happen?
It's not your fault Laura. It actually sounds like you may be the reason he is alive right now.
Well, tell them that you didn't mean it, apologize, tell them what's going on, how you are feeling. I'm sure they'll understand. You know that they don't really hate you. They responded to things that you didn't really mean witht things that they didn't really mean.
Well, I know that it's scary and all, but I think it is a good thing that you are getting help. I don't know how the Samaritans work, but could you call and hang up then call back again if it's your friend? I mean, I'd guess that there are enough people that the chances of you getting your friend are relatively low, right?
I just wanted to let you know I'm taking a partial break from the site. Not because I'm sick of you or anyone else. I just have alot of things going on in my life and as of the last week or so, I've noticed that I haven't really had the time to be on here as much as I like. So I'm taking a break to sort myself out. I'll be back in a week or two. I'll still be checking my PMs, so if you need me, you PM me, ok?
Love you, stay strong, I'm always here for you
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Banned
Regular TeenHelper
*****
Name: LauRAWR!
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Location: Trapped in a messed up mind
Posts: 434
Points: 12,528, Level: 16 |
Join Date: January 8th 2009
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 30th 2009, 10:21 AM
Mhmm...thanks Cody. I hope you take care :]
But, you know, these things ARE my fault. I made Faith mad, she hates me a lot, aha. Stupid me, yet again.
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Dolan
I can't get enough
*********
Name: Cody
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Location: USA
Posts: 2,029
Points: 19,933, Level: 20 |
Join Date: January 6th 2009
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 30th 2009, 11:07 AM
Well, apologize, talk through it. If you didn't mean it, tell her that. She knows you're going through alot. People say tings they don't mean when they are hurting like you are. Just talk to her about it, tell her you're sorry.
Everything's going to be fine, ok?
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Banned
Regular TeenHelper
*****
Name: LauRAWR!
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Location: Trapped in a messed up mind
Posts: 434
Points: 12,528, Level: 16 |
Join Date: January 8th 2009
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 30th 2009, 11:08 AM
Don't be stupid, how could she EVER forgive me.
I'm slowly going to fade away, and then suddenly, bang.
I'll be gone before you know it :]
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Dolan
I can't get enough
*********
Name: Cody
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Location: USA
Posts: 2,029
Points: 19,933, Level: 20 |
Join Date: January 6th 2009
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 30th 2009, 11:11 AM
Why couldn't she forgive you? You said yourself that you didn't mean what you said. Really, you were doing this because you figured that if she didn't care about you, then you could just go and it wouldn't hurt either of you as much. I'm not saying that this is something that can just be forgotten about and everything will go back to normal, just like it was before, but it isn't the end of the world. Talk to her about it, tell her what's going on.
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Banned
Regular TeenHelper
*****
Name: LauRAWR!
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Location: Trapped in a messed up mind
Posts: 434
Points: 12,528, Level: 16 |
Join Date: January 8th 2009
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 30th 2009, 11:17 AM
She'd NEVER forgive me. EVER. end of...
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Dolan
I can't get enough
*********
Name: Cody
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Location: USA
Posts: 2,029
Points: 19,933, Level: 20 |
Join Date: January 6th 2009
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 30th 2009, 11:23 AM
Well, just try. You are obviously sincere in your apologies, so that's really all you can do.
I hope both of you are alright
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Banned
Regular TeenHelper
*****
Name: LauRAWR!
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Location: Trapped in a messed up mind
Posts: 434
Points: 12,528, Level: 16 |
Join Date: January 8th 2009
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 30th 2009, 11:24 AM
pfft, well thanks Cody. ily :]
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Dolan
I can't get enough
*********
Name: Cody
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Location: USA
Posts: 2,029
Points: 19,933, Level: 20 |
Join Date: January 6th 2009
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 30th 2009, 12:23 PM
Love you too, stay strong for me, ok?
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Member
Junior TeenHelper
****
Gender: Female
Posts: 317
Points: 11,358, Level: 15 |
Join Date: January 12th 2009
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 30th 2009, 03:40 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by .KillCasino.
Sick. That's what you are. You're sick of me. Sick of my moaning. Sick of my stupid attempts. Sick of me being around. Just sick...of me. So I spent most of the day at the hospital today. My brother and I made a pact last night, only he seemed to be much better at it than I. I got scared, I couldn't let him die so I called an ambulance, only he told them about me also. I got discharged at like noon, seeing as I failed yet again, but he's still in. I can't stop crying. I'm scared im going to lose him and then that's going to be my fault, because everything is my fault. It hurts, it hurts so much...
Everyone hates me now. Faith, Elliot, Jake...I could go on...last night, well, I had this stupid idea that if I got them all to hate me, then it'd make leaving much easier. So I was pretty mean to everyone...I didn't mean what I said, it killed me but I had to do it, because I needed them to say that they hated me...
My mind works in weird ways, okay?
So yeah, I now have to see a psychiatrist/councellor person whoever...and I don't want to but it seems i'm being forced into it. I've been given some leafets about suicide and dealing with it from the hospital. They said next time I felt down I should call the Samaritans. Thing is, I wouldn't dare because one of my friends works on the phones and if she answered my call...well...yeah...
I'm sick. I'm sick of my moaning but I'm breaking down. I can't take anymore, and no one understands |
If any of us were sick of you we could easily just go away and not reply to your posts. As long as we're still answering, you have no reason to believe you're "too much" for us or something.
You have a brother who is in this with you. So already you're not alone. You've got us too. Your family would be devastated if they lost you, and if they lost you AND your brother. You say you couldn't let him die, I bet he feels the same way toward you. I bet your whole family would have done the same thing and called an ambulance for you. They don't want to lose you. They don't want you to give up.
I don't think anyone hates you, but it's not really crazy or "weird" that you decided to try and make them angry. Lots of people do it. If everyone you love hates you, then you can feel justified to leave. You think you can let go easier. But at the last second, you regret it. You want them to love you, want them to save you, want them to think about how sad they would be if you were gone. I know, because I did it before. I made all my friends mad at me, to the point where they didn't want to talk to me anymore. Then I told them I was going to kill myself, and I refused to answer them when they called. I was about to do it when my best friend called me once again, and something inside me forced me to answer. I realized then that all I really wanted was to see how much they cared. See who would call, who would try to save me. If I had gone through with it, I would have been killing myself for nothing, it's not even what I really wanted.
If you want to cry and "moan" then don't feel bad about it. There will come a point where you realize you don't want to anymore, and that you want to do something about it. Don't feel like your feelings today will last forever. Everyone's mind works in weird ways. We do everything because somewhere deep inside we want to achieve some feeling we get from it. So just because you have the thought that you should die doesn't mean that's actually what you want. There are other ways to satisfy what you really want deep down. The insanely hard part is finding out what it is you really want.
Right now, I want to feel depressed. I'm miserable, and anxious, and nervous. I keep trying to think of ways to fix it, and I know so many ways. But I keep coming up with excuses. Because, for some reason, being miserable is what I want right now. It's probably going to take me a long time to figure out why, and change things, but I know that if I keep trying I eventually will. It's happened before and it will happen again. The same goes for you, and everyone else. Don't give up because you've been conditioned to believe that what you're feeling is wrong. It's a natural part of life, and no matter how bad things may seem or how long it's seemed to go this way, it's not the only part of life.
I know it's not very helpful, sorry. I just don't want people to think that they need to die when they're feeling bad. If everyone thought that, everyone would be dead.
Aš tave myliu, Nanny. I'm carrying your love with me.
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Member
Not a n00b
**
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 97
Points: 11,810, Level: 15 |
Join Date: January 6th 2009
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 30th 2009, 05:40 PM
Laura, you're such an awesome person, nobody could ever get sick of you. You're incredibly strong, and you're trying so hard. Everything's going to be okay. Just keep trying.
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Banned
Regular TeenHelper
*****
Name: LauRAWR!
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Location: Trapped in a messed up mind
Posts: 434
Points: 12,528, Level: 16 |
Join Date: January 8th 2009
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 30th 2009, 05:41 PM
thanks, i know that now...i think...
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choose wisely
Junior TeenHelper
****
Name: Robin
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Location: Canada
Posts: 223
Points: 18,303, Level: 19 |
Join Date: January 6th 2009
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 30th 2009, 06:16 PM
Laura you are an awsome (I say that your wayyy to much :P ) person!!! And I never get tired of you
You're amazing just the way you are
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Member
I can't get enough
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Posts: 3,072
Points: 33,029, Level: 26 |
Join Date: January 8th 2009
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Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -
January 31st 2009, 10:08 AM
As Laura has left this site now, I shall close this thread. If she decides to return, then the option of making a new thread is available.
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