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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Bianca_Mae Offline
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Unhappy Telling parents?? - June 19th 2017, 03:41 PM

i need to tell my mom. And I have no idea how to tell her, but I'm getting worse and need to get help. How should I tell her I cut?? Please help. I'm in a really bad place right now and really need to get myself help.
   
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Re: Telling parents?? - June 19th 2017, 04:00 PM

Hey there Bianca!

I think telling your mom that you struggle with cutting is a great idea, and exceptionally brave! Self-injury is an addiction that gets harder to break the longer it goes on, and letting someone know about your struggle will help you stay accountable to getting help and recovering. As for the "how to" tell your mom, that's harder. If you're close with her (which I'm guessing you are), maybe approach the topic by telling her you need to tell her something that you're struggling with. Oftentimes, our parents have some idea of what's happening but can't know the full story without us telling them (my parents realized I was struggling, but they had no idea it escalated to self-harm until a school official saw my cuts). This doesn't mean they don't care, just simply that they're human. If telling her out loud is too hard, perhaps writing a note explaining the situation or asking for help through school resources. Sometimes it can be easier to explain what you want to happen to someone you're not close with, and have them pass on the information.

However you decide to tell your mom, I'm so proud of you for telling her and wanting to recover from this addiction.

If there is anything I can do for you, please let me know!

All the best!

Erin


wanderer come home
you're not too far
lay down your hurt, lay down your heart
come as you are.

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Re: Telling parents?? - June 19th 2017, 04:04 PM

Hey Bianca,

It's a really great thing that you're looking for ways to tell your parents about what you're going through. There are a few different ways you can approach this depending on how comfortable you feel.

First, you could be blunt and tell her in person. Doing this means that if your mum has any questions you are there to answer them, and you will know how she reacts as soon as you tell her. This way, you can also give her as much or as little information as you like and she will be there to support you when you do it. However, it might be difficult in person, and so you might find it easier to do it another way.

You could write her a letter for example. In this letter you can include as much detail as you feel is needed to tell her how things are for you, and you could also explain to her a bit about why you hurt yourself because there are a lot of misconceptions around about SH. Using a letter means that if you're not too comfortable saying things in person, you can plan what you write, and then edit it as many times as is needed for it to be as easy as possible to hand it over to her. You can also use this as a form of self expression and use colours and pictures if that helps, because while the letter is ultimately for your mum to know what is going on, it is also a way for you to let go of what you have been holding back on. You can also either hand the letter to her, or get it to her in another way such as leaving it somewhere for her to find.

Doing this indirectly and not in person will lead to a chat in person at some point. SH is a horrible thing to hear about, and nobody wants to find out that someone they love has been hurting themselves, so your mum may want to talk to you about it still. It is important to remember that being scared is ok. If you're worried about talking to her, let her know. She will probably be worried too. If you feel like crying, let yourself cry because it is better than to hurt yourself anyway. Importantly, make sure that you let your mum help you. Telling someone is ok, but you have to keep letting them in after that in order for them to be able to make a difference. IF you need someone, talk to her. Let her know that you want her help and appreciate her support, and if you're findig that hard, communicate with her so she knows what you are going through.

I hope you find a way to talk to her about this. If you need any more advice or support just let me know! I'm happy to help so PM me at any time too.
Take care.


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1953-2016

As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

   
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Re: Telling parents?? - June 19th 2017, 04:43 PM

You can talk to her at a time when both of you are alone. Just say "mom there's something I need to tell you. I have been struggling with cutting and self harm for a while and it's getting worse. I'd like to get some help." I hope this works for you. Don't just let them find out like they did with me, it makes it worse. Love ya, hope it helps!




Life's a tough b**ch, but you are tougher. Go show it who's boss. <lots of love and hugs>
   
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Re: Telling parents?? - June 22nd 2017, 01:14 AM

It's great to tell your parents about your Self Harm. Trust me It's better to tell them then have them find out on their own.


"It's called a tunnel because there's always a light at the end" But what if the light is a train?
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Re: Telling parents?? - June 22nd 2017, 10:46 PM

I think it would be a good idea to sit your mum down at a quiet time when both of you are alone. Let her know in advance that you need to speak to her so she's prepared, say in case something comes up and she is distracted. It's wonderful that you want to reach out and get extra support to overcome cutting, definitely a good first step towards recovery!
   
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Re: Telling parents?? - June 25th 2017, 07:28 PM

Hey

Thank you for coming to us for some help and support. I think it's great you want help and that you've decided to talk to your mum about it. It's hard (and brave) step to take and hopfully it will really help!

It can be hard telling someone we love, who also loves us that we're in so much emotional pain that we've resulted to hurting ourselves and it's going to be hard for your mum to find out and you need to bare that in mind but also remember it's because she loves and cares about you.

I think the best way is to get some time where she isn't busy so you can sit down with her and have the conversation. Many people find themselves avoiding it even when they've sat down with a parent but I think the best way to do it is just to come out with it. Be honest and tell her. Maybe you could then explain how you feel emotionally and why you have been self harming (as in how it makes you feel better and how it works for you).

Though sometimes people find it too hard to say it. I know a lot of people who have found writing a letter very helpful. So if you really feel you can not have that conversation, you can say all the same things, but in a letter and wait for her to come to you.

I want to stress that sometimes people don't have the best first reaction but that is panic setting in with them (because they care and love). Sometimes they will be supportive right from the conversation. I don't know how your mum is going to respond but remember she loves you. No matter how old you get you will always be her baby girl and she will, I am sure, try to help you in the best way she can and as much as she can.

Please know we're always here if you want to talk about anything of if you need further help with talking to your mum about it. Its going to be a tough one and be scary but you can do it and you deserve her help and support. Never be alone.

Hope and wishes,
Jessie


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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