Female Advice Preferred: would this be rape?

[Ashleylovesyou]

i was in an abusive relationship. He would punch the wall, and scream at me. and threaten ta beat me if i didn't have sex. but he never hit me for not havin' sex with him. well he was bout ta hit me, and i told him i would have sex. he did hit me for other things. but not for not having sex, just threats. and once i did. he would text me and tell me too come over, if i said no he would say "remember what happend last time, it will be worse this time"

would this be rape? i dont think it would be just threats... i told one friend and she said it's rape... but im still not sure. i constantly have night mares of him beating me and i cant stop. i haven't had a pleasent dream in awhile. How do you get the past out of you head?

[Mason]

yah its rape.

[Ashleylovesyou]

so even tho he didn't hit me for that... only threats.
it would be rape?

[Through-Glass]

Hi there,

I am so sorry for what you were put through. Violence is never, ever okay; you deserve so much better than that. I am glad that you were able to escape this relationship, and hope that you will soon begin the path of healing from these physical and emotional wounds.

Rape is defined as any unwanted penetration. RAINN's website states: Rape victims may be forced through threats or physical means. In about 8 out of 10 rapes, no weapon is used other than physical force. Anyone may be a victim of rape: women, men or children, straight or gay. So, in short...yes, what happened to you is considered rape.

Even though you were not physically hurt for refusing to have sex, he still forced you. Threats and verbal remarks are just as powerful as the use of a weapon or other means of physical harm. Any forced sexual intercourse is rape. This may be difficult to grasp right now, but you will be able to come to terms with it; just give yourself time.

Is there anyone you can talk to about what happened to you? It may be a very scary thought right now, but talking about these things can help SO much in the long run. Tell a close friend, a family member, a teacher...anyone you can trust. Getting these feelings out into the open, breaking the silence, will help you so much on your path to recovery.

Moving past such terrible, traumatic abuse will not be easy...but I promise, you WILL get through this. You are so strong, and you can overcome the abuse. This does not have to rule your life; it doesn't have to affect you so strongly forever.

Take care. If you'd ever like to talk about anything, my PM box is always open. You deserve support and understanding, and I would like to help.

[Ashleylovesyou]

yeah. it took me a 2 weeks after i stopped talking to him to admit he abused me. this rape thing, i understand it. but dont understand why.. it's complicated. i told one friend. she just listens no advice tho. she doesnt understand why i gave in to him. i came on here to talk about it. but not many ppl reply to what my threads are. it's hard. really hard. im trying to go thro this alone... not working out.

[Through-Glass]

Hey,

I'm so glad that you have someone that you can talk to about this. What you have been put through is such a difficult situation; try to understand that it's hard to give advice to someone who is in so much pain. Your friend is doing all she can do; listen. Perhaps you could talk to an adult in your life, if you're looking for more advice on the situation. An adult, such as a teacher, family member, or religious leader, could advise you on seeking couseling, pressing charges, and other forms of gaining closure. I know these all may seem like scary ideas right now, but it could help you so much in the long run. Don't worry about that right now, though; just focus on talking about these things with someone you trust, getting them out of you. This darkness will eat away at you, but talking about it can prevent this.


You'll never be alone. You will always have your loved ones, even if they aren't entirely sure of what's going on. Of course, you'll always have us here at TeenHelp, as well.

Again, if you ever want to talk to me, you can send me a PM or VM.