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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Keeping a child from a rape? - June 15th 2010, 08:27 AM

Mk so...about 3 weeks ago I was raped and for the last week I've had bad nausea and feel like I'm not getting enough sleep...pretty sure I'm preggers but idk if I should keep the baby? I don't condone abortion but I think I'll regret an adoption.
   
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Re: Keeping a child from a rape? - June 15th 2010, 08:41 AM

The first thing is, find out for sure. Get a pregnancy test when you can.

I think keeping a child from rape is an extremely hard and brave thing to do. If you know you will regret getting rid of it. Then keep it. Beauty can come from the worst of situations.



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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Keeping a child from a rape? - June 15th 2010, 08:47 AM

hm. I think I should get that as a tattoo "Beauty can come from the worst of situations". I'm taking a pregnacy test in 2 weeks, my friend Cory asked me to wait logner than I want so there's not a big risk of false negative. I really want to keep it, I just kinda feel like...it's a gift from God.
   
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Re: Keeping a child from a rape? - June 15th 2010, 08:54 AM

Yeah I agree with Hannah, have a pregnancy test first so you know if you are pregnant or not before worrying yourself about what to do with the baby.

On whether to keep the baby or not if you are pregnant, it is entirely your decision. Whatever you decide in the end is the right decision for you, so don't regret anything afterwards. Just think about it a lot before hand, so you feel that you made the right choice. And I'm sure you'll get support that you need whatever you decide.

PM me anytime if you need to Take care
   
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Re: Keeping a child from a rape? - June 15th 2010, 08:56 AM

the thing is...I don't know how on earth I'd tell my parents. "Oh by the way I ignored your rule about no boys when I was on vacation, got myself raped and knocked up." my mom's husband hates me to start with.
   
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Re: Keeping a child from a rape? - June 15th 2010, 09:06 AM

If they do anything but support you then they are not worth your time or effort.



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Re: Keeping a child from a rape? - June 15th 2010, 09:08 AM

that's precisly why I don't live with them anymore - they don't give a care about me.
   
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Re: Keeping a child from a rape? - June 15th 2010, 09:46 AM

It's not your fault, and so they shouldn't blame you for it. Just do what's right for you, only you know what that is.
   
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Re: Keeping a child from a rape? - June 16th 2010, 07:07 PM

Actually, instead of in at-home pregnancy test, you might want to go to your doctor, or your nearest planned parenthood, and get them to do a pregnancy test. They can also test you to make sure he didn't give you anything nasty, or anything nasty for the baby.

Keeping the baby is your decision, but I'll tell you this, it won't be easy. If you can handle having your rapists baby, then you are a hell of a lot stronger than me. To keep that baby, well that takes courage and strength, because chances are you'll be raising this baby by yourself. But if you think you can do this, then go for it. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, and it is totally not your fault that you got raped. Just hang in there.


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Re: Keeping a child from a rape? - June 16th 2010, 10:02 PM

I agree with waffle as far as going to a planned parenthood or doctor. If you want to see if you are pregnant first it doesn't hurt to have an in home pregnancy test and then see a doctor either. I'm very sorry about how unsupportive the people in your life seem to be. It's unfortunate, but know that you are better than that and that it is their loss for behaving this way. Just be strong and do what you feel is best for yourself and your life. In the end it is you who defines what you do in life and what you want. People may be unhappy about your decisions, but they aren't the ones who live with your decision you are. Good luck and please PM me if you need someone to talk about your situation with. Keep us updated as well and stay strong!

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Re: Keeping a child from a rape? - June 17th 2010, 03:52 AM

The way i figure it - if I do abortion it's murder and if I give it up for adoption there's no guarantee those people will actually take good care of my child. Even if I give it up for adoption it's still MY child - MY flesh and blood. Even if I had open adoption, there's no guarantee I can make sure that the baby is taken care of properly.
   
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Re: Keeping a child from a rape? - June 17th 2010, 04:16 AM

If I were you, I wouldn't have an abortion. I know that this is completely your decision, and I wouldn't try to convince you otherwise, but I wanted to share my general opinion. Unfortunately, when you become pregnant, even if was not by your own doing, you have to think about your baby too. Even if you didn't sign up for it, that baby is now your responsibility, even if it isn't what you signed up for. You have to think about what it wants, what's best for it; not just what's best for you. There's no guarantee an adoptive family would take perfect care of the child, no, but there's also no guarantee that you could take care of the child on your own. You need to sit down and think about this, because your the only one who can make the decision in the end.

Personally, if I were in your situation, I would give the baby up for adoption. I know that I wouldn't be able to take care of the baby, and that while there is a chance that the adoptive family might not do that great of a job either, there's more of a chance that they'd do a better job than I would. And if I killed my baby, I know I'd regret it for the rest of my life.

Just my thoughts! I hope you find it easier to make the decision soon, and I'm sure everything will work out in the end. Good luck.





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Re: Keeping a child from a rape? - June 18th 2010, 03:02 AM

Guys, I'm just going to say this now, let's not have this become a fight about abortion risky vs adoption. It's your body. Abortion is not murder, since it isn't actually a baby yet. At this stage, if you are pregnant, it's barely a fetus. However, it is your choice. Planned Parenthood will not force you to get an abortion, they will actually help you figure out what you want to do, so talking to them might help. Keeping a baby from rape is really risky and tricky. Some women can't see past the fact that it is their rapist baby, and..well it often ends badly for the child if it is born. My point is, you need to think this through first. And you need to talk to someone about this, thoroughly. There is no easy way out here, either way will cost you, but you have to weigh whether you can handle a child, or whether maybe it would be best to either abort or give this one up, because you can always have a baby when you are ready. Just think this through.


She whispered to her own reflection "I will be strong."

"I am not what has happened to me.I am what I have chosen to become."- Carl Jung

"If ye harm none, do as ye wish."

Sometimes things just happen.


Smile through the tears.


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Re: Keeping a child from a rape? - June 18th 2010, 07:43 AM

The point of an adoption is to give up a baby to a family who will be able to provide for it better than you are... adoptive parents are vetted very seriously by agencies and they often really want a baby to love, especially if they cannot have their own baby naturally. You can choose the family your baby is adopted into, have an open adoption, etc. But if you feel you can do a better job, then by all means keep the baby.

It's a little early to start seeing symptoms of pregnancy... my advice is to go to Planned Parenthood or your doctor to get tested and get information on all of your options.
   
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Re: Keeping a child from a rape? - June 18th 2010, 03:08 PM

Go with your heart...and your mind. If you truly feel you can and want to keep the child, do it. If, for certain reasons you feel unable to take care of the child, adoption is an option. We planned on adopting once (didn't go through, personal reasons) and we had like 2 years of red tape and a social worker visited our house so adoption is an option.
   
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Re: Keeping a child from a rape? - June 20th 2010, 12:05 PM

BE STRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
   
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Re: Keeping a child from a rape? - June 23rd 2010, 05:22 AM

prego test this morning came up positive, I dunno what I'm gunna do.
   
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Re: Keeping a child from a rape? - June 23rd 2010, 06:27 PM

It's good that you took a test and know. I'm sure it's scary, but you have a lot of options in front of you. I really think it would be good to visit a planned parenthood near you and just talk to someone. They can give you information on all your different options. They can talk to you about different types of adoption, the help that's out there if you choose to keep your baby, or more about abortion and terminating.

It's okay to take a bit of time and think about things. Get as much information as you can, but in the end this is a decision that you have to put a lot of emotions into. Whatever choice you make will be right for you, though.

I know you said you think your parents will be upset, but it's not your fault that you were assaulted. Talk to them. You deserve the support.

I hope you're doing okay. You can PM me if you ever want to talk.
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Re: Keeping a child from a rape? - June 24th 2010, 01:35 AM

What happened to you is not your fault. Your parents would understand that. Just tell them the simple truth of what happened to you without going into much detail. They will support you and help you get through this. Try to stay calm, it will all be okay.
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Re: Keeping a child from a rape? - June 24th 2010, 08:07 AM

I just want to give you a big hug and tell you once again you're being very very brave. You also need to address the issue of your rape and find someone to talk to. Go to your doctors for an official pregnancy test, and an sti test, explain to your doctor your situation, and explain to your parents.

This is your body, your genes, your choice. Whatever you choose is up to you, and every decision possible takes bravery. We are all here to support you, so is your doctor, and your doctor could probably find you some emotional/mental support for your situation.



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Re: Keeping a child from a rape? - July 2nd 2010, 02:15 AM

Hi there.
First of all, as a survivor of rape myself, you are much stronger than I am. If I had gotten pregnant, I couldn't have done anything other than give it to another couple who want a child but cannot.
So let's review your options:
Abortion: I am extremely against abortion in all cases, even in rape, so I would not advise you to do this. No one judge me, even if I did get pregnant by my rapist, I wouldn't have dreamed of getting an abortion, the life that would be starting should not be snuffed out because their father was an idiot.
Adoption: People are put through the wringer getting a baby to adopt, so the chances that the adoptive parents won't be capable of raising your child are slim, if they exist at all. And most of these couples are unable to have children, whether it be because they are gay, single, or just plain unable to have children. You can choose the parents if you prefer, and an open adoption is always an option.
Or if you would rather, keep the baby. I personally haven't checked, but I think that there is a way to get some money to help care for your child. And if you are strong enough to do this, bravo.
I may be young, but keep in mind that I had to face the fact that I might be going through a situation much like yours not too long ago.
I'm here to talk if you need someone. This is a hard time in your life, and no one should have to deal with this alone.
   
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