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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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mamikyous Offline
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My Best Friend's Parents. - May 9th 2014, 05:33 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

My best friend is the kindest and most caring person in the world. Yet her parents...Well.

Her parents, especially her mother, are very emotionally abuse and manipulative towards her. They constantly tease her over her weight, they give her constant abuse over her sexuality and they belittle her mental health issues, regarding them as "not real". They yell at her for self harming, and constantly grab her and roll her sleeves up to check for marks. They have taken all her money on multiple occasions to go out drinking. All of this really, really worries me.

They don't treat her two younger siblings like this, only her. They even treat the family dog better than her.

I don't go to her school, but from what I know they are quite awful at dealing with this. They won't do anything to help matters, and it's really frustrating.

They have emotionally abused her from a young age, to a point where she now blames herself for it, and thinks she deserves it. I's shocking. Such a nice, lovely person? Deserve that treatment??

It makes me angry. Very angry. Angry at her parents and her school. Angry at her siblings for not doing more to help, though I know this is pretty silly. I'm also angry at myself for not being able to do more.

Because she is nearly 17, everyone just tells me that "Oh, well she can leave her parents soon!" like she doesn't need help right now. I'm really worried for her, really really worried. She speaks about "scary thoughts" in her head sometimes because of what her parents have done to her.

Even now, I'm near enough shaking with anger thinking about all of this.

I'm at my wits end, that I can't do more. Hell, it's the only reason I've made an account here. I just want some advice, that's all.

Thank you for reading, and I'm really sorry if all of this doesn't make sense at all.
   
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MsNobleEleanor Offline
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Re: My Best Friend's Parents. - May 9th 2014, 11:24 PM

Hey there,

There are a lot of points you mentioned and I will break them down for you. So you can have a better understanding of what might be happening and what you can do to help. Being a by-standard to hearing your friend tell you what is going on, where you can't do much to help her. However, there is good news to this. Every negative situation we're in there is always a few positive things. Let start to outline this.

Sometimes allowing yourself to accept and know that when challenging life events happen or are repeated sometimes we can't do a lot to help because its out of our complete control (we have no control over). So where is the positive in that? Your friend trusts you to go to you and explain what she is going through, most importantly how she is feeling. Being there for her, you are helping her. It may seem its not but it is. Some things you could bring up with her is if ever the abuse (whether its emotional, physical, etc.) she can call the police if she ever feels unsafe. You can support her and explain calling the police isn't bad its a good thing. Here is a list that you can talk to her about.

Supports:
1) Calling your emergency number in your area (police)
2) Offer counseling services to her
3) Let her know that she can go to you whenever

Feeling bad because we can't help someone the way we want to, it happens and its beyond our control. What you can do is be gentle with yourself and think about what you can do, not what you can't do or wish that would happen. She needs a good friend and asking her what she wants can allow you to offer more supports to her.

Most of the time when close loved ones hurt others its because they don't know how to deal with something so instead take it out on someone else. Her parents may not understand what mental illness really is and they may be blaming themselves for the cause.

18 is a big age in most countries. However, her being 17 she can still get the help she needs. Most cities have a shelter for young adults who are trying to get back on track and they can receive counseling and support where they are safe. One of the best people to go to for this information would be an organization that supports Human Rights and/or protecting women from abuse.

I have a few web sites that you can look at and give your friend. There is support and help out there.

MindingYourHead: "The services offer advice/support on a range of issues that can have an impact on your mental health such as: alcohol, bereavement, disability, drugs, eating disorders, gambling, housing, illness, mental health, money worries, relationships, self-harm, sexuality, stress, suicide, depression and abuse."

HeadStrong:

Women's Aid: "We work to make women and children safe from domestic violence, offer support, provide hope to women affected by abuse and work for justice and social change."

If you need more links please let us know.
Be proud of yourself for being there for her, okay?

Take Care.


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Last edited by MsNobleEleanor; May 9th 2014 at 11:26 PM. Reason: Spelling
   
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Re: My Best Friend's Parents. - May 11th 2014, 01:36 AM

If they are abusing her and treating her this way then action needs to be taken and you can help you can let her know you are there for her and you can even call the police in your area or get her to because they can and will help as she's still a minor and a lot still do as a adult.... They can get her the help she needs and get her away from her parents and there's nothing her parents can do about it besides fix the living situation...
Hope I helped....
[EDITED]

Last edited by Chris; May 14th 2014 at 08:09 AM. Reason: Edited: CoC infraction.
   
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