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Unhappy My Parents aren't NORMAL parents, and They're driving me INSANE! - August 2nd 2014, 12:34 AM

Alright, this is gonna be a looooong post, as my parents have managed to form a list of issues and such so long, it could fill a whole wall with the paper.

So, I guess I should start with myself. I am a 15-year-old PC gamer, going into Eleventh Grade. I have an average Hygiene, Okay grades, but is still not employed because of document regulations involving work. I enjoy many FPS, RPG and Strategy games, and I like to watch Youtube game Commentaries from various people. I am interested in making a career off of Youtube, as well as from the Video Game industry. I have big dreams for the future, but my family, as of now, is hindering me from working towards them.

To Start, both my parents have twisted versions of Parenting. It's not anything like Sexual or Major Physical abuse, It's more Minor Physical and Emotional/Psychological abuse. Both my mom and my dad have issues that make them both very stressful to deal with, but my Dad is the main problem that I see. He has it in his head that when he gave birth to a Son, it gave him infinite power and authority over me (I have a thing against this "Parents-over-their-kids" thing in society). He seems to think that he can do whatever he pleases to me, and that I have to be him undying servant until I move out and that I OWE it to him, when he treats his family and mostly ME like absolute shit.

He thinks that I have to be perfect in school, and although I think it is important to be successful in school, I DON'T think that stressing yourself out for A+'s and getting B's and C's in reality is necessary, even for High School. He also has this perfectionist attitude about our every action, no matter where: Home, School, Social Gatherings, Parties, he'll still "Discipline" Me and my sister in public about manners that I barely see anyone giving that much thought into it where they are.

He is also a major Catholic. Now, most people would read that last sentence and think, "What's that got to do with you?" Well, It would be fine, if he hadn't NOT ONLY forced it upon his whole family without any second thoughts or taken opinions, but also used it as a threshold on everyone. He makes me and my sister go to every Sunday Mass, Every Holy Day of Obligation (Even the one that's on my Birthday!), every holiday mass, every damn religious holiday that drags us to a stone brick church. He even used the "Catholics are anti-gay" part of Catholicism to prevent me from spending the weekend with a friend in Rhode Island, all because his guardians are gaily married!

Oh, remember what I said about him thinking that I OWE work to him? Well, guess what else, he's a major Cheapskate, and uses this as an excuse to NOT pay me for chores! I had gotten this laptop for not only completing Middle school, but for undergoing a forced Confirmation as well, and I didn't even get to choose the laptop I wanted! They got an HP Pavilion off of a Discount site that he gets from work, and I don't mean to sound greedy, but there were laptops that were BUILT for gaming that were about 100$ more than the one I'm using that could have been a lot more useful for me. Even on My birthday or a Holiday, the highest he'll go is 40$! And I'm not that demanding, all I ask for is at least a gift card for Steam, or Amazon. And to top it all off, he buys things that are more expensive than all the electronics I own combined for himself, and occasionally my mom!

Finally, he has a major problem with the way I live my life, and he's almost ruined it twice in the past 2 years. Gaming is a big part of my life, as is my Laptop. He got it into his head that gaming is entirely bad for me, no matter what the circumstances, but he uses BS excuses and Stereotypes to try to get me off. He says that I'll become Fat and Obese, with many diseases, when a majority of this summer I've practically skipped lunch, and I barely eat anything unhealthy (Mostly because My mom buys snacks that I don't like, and makes healthy versions of foods)! He seems to think that a 15-year-old can't be exposed to obviously fake violence, as well, because He doesn't like me watching Youtube Commentaries with Swearing, or Playing games like CoD or Bioshock, games that have VIRTUAL blood and violence. He recently put a Time Limit on my PC via Kaspersky (too bad he's not the brightest of office workers, I figured out the password easily! ), and along with it restrictions on everything a 5-year-old can't know. All because someone on the internet, something he says shouldn't always be trusted, wrote an article on some news website, about how "Computer Media is bad for your children!". He is constantly getting into fights with me about not only this, but about what kind of clothing I'm wearing, what I'm eating at that moment, what I'd playing, what I'm doing, who my friends are, what I am talking to them about, and an endless amount of things that a normal father could care less about.

Phew, that was a lot of writing on my dad. But now, onto my mom.

My mom is usually a cool person. She could care less about my Gaming habit, and quite frankly, helps a lot more than my dad ever could or would. She'll be fine about some things, but she can turn into a major beotch at a moment's notice.

The Main problem is her anger. She gets angry about very little very quickly. She will constantly raise her voice against me, even about the smallest things. I was asking questions earlier today about what to do at an Airport security checkpoint about my laptop, and she was showing her temper as if she was 7 years old! She also seems to have days where she's pissed all day, but only at me,for some unknown reason. During these days, she'll come into the room I'm in and bother me over and over about things that I know I have to do, or things that aren't relevant to me yet. She will violently yell at me for things that for others would just seem a minor inconvenience, and she can also get so upset that she would punish or, in some cases, slap me hard on the back of the head. She seems to have a hard time controlling herself about anything and everything, and she also seems to think that she has it bad, and that the rest of the family treats her like shit, even though she's treated a hell lot better than my dad is.

She isn't very bright, either, and She's stubborn as well. She has made many mistakes in front of me, that affected me negatively, and she refused to take the blame for her actions, making an excuse for how I caused it. This has happened all but once, where she opened the garage door during a minor flood.

She constantly reminds me of things that happen weekly, as well. It would be thought that it's just a "Helpful reminder", but it's not very helpful when the thing she's reminding you about is something that not only happens every week, but is something you don't like doing or having, but you're still forced to do. She has PHONE and COMPUTER ALARMS for all of this! But the other issue is that when something ABNORMAL happens during the week, like a change of weekly routine days, or a doctor's appointment on a Wednesday, she only reminds me about once or twice! For example, I had to leave for my therapist on Tuesday, but my school had some complicated bell schedule that prevented me from leaving at the normal time, making us late. I would usually receive a note from my mom to turn in to get me out early to go, but on this particular day, she didn't give me a note, she just called and didn't tell me. When I got there late, claiming she didn't give me a note, she yelled at me, saying that I should had assumed she called, because I called from the office the last time because I had lost her note. And this was somehow an excuse for how her being irresponsible is MY fault.

She also has a habit of calling me irresponsible and lazy, when I feed my 2 cats, as well as clean a litter box (Something she refuses to do, even though one of that cats was her Idea to get!), I take out the the trash, mow the lawn, wake myself up and feed myself, get all my homework done mostly on time, and do a ton of other things FOR her. She might do a lot more for me than my dad does, and that saying that "Laziness is stupid" would make me a Hypocrite, but it doesn't give her an excuse to not do something like pick up a cup next to her, but to call me from across the house instead, all because it was mine! (Not to sound lazy, but why not pick it up and then nag me? THEN I would understand and learn to NOT leave a soda cup out!)

Both my parents are equally stressing me out. I completely despise my dad now, I hate the weekends because of him, and I am happy when he's on a business trip or overnight stay somewhere. My mom's anger and frequently annoying habits are pissing me off every day, and her part-time incompetence is driving me up the wall! I've searched all over the web for solutions, but it seems nobody else that has a computer has parents like mine, because they're either Above or below these nutcases of parent! There are no Laws that I've seen that allow me to take legal action against what's going on, nor are there any loopholes to get me out of this Crazy-fest and into an actual house! They don't seem to pay any mind to my therapist's words, and the school can't do anything about it unless it's frequent Physical! Is there anything I can do to either get me out of here legally, or to get my parents some classes to teach them how to be ACTUAL parents?!

-Greg P., AGamerLivinginaMadHouse
   
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Re: My Parents aren't NORMAL parents, and They're driving me INSANE! - August 7th 2014, 12:15 AM

Hello Greg,

Lets break this down in smaller pieces but first I wanted to say that everyone's living situation is very different from another, which doesn't mean no one has these similar issues or concerns because we do relate to one another in some way or the other.

Enjoying gaming, watching YouTube videos, and having a goal for your future is what you will thrive in the most. Passion doesn't just always mean going to class and learning you can have a passion from something you very much enjoy doing, like gaming. Gaming isn't seen as horrible or bad, in fact a lot of military use shooting games to train them to desensitize themselves. If you're interested read a bit more about this here is a link. Although both you're parents have reasons why you're spending a lot of time playing video games, for them to take that away from someone doesn't fix the issue or problem.

Having a passion to career for YouTube that is a really amazing goal and you should work hard to get there. What steps might you want take to reach this goal? What kind of things would you need so you can achieve that? Never mind what you're parents think, this is what you want, it's not about them, it's about you. Trying to explain this to your dad may be tricky but you also can't force your dad to understand or listen to you. All you can do is do your best.

Have you ever spoken to your dad about how he makes you feel? Have you expressed any of your frustration with him? Could asking your therapist for an appointment with both your parents where you can be safe to share those feelings, would this be something you could try? Not to mention when you mention your dad is Catholic and forced you to go to Church and everything, this can also be a sign of abuse. If you're forced into something you're not it can affect someone negatively. You do have rights and I do see something here that is a form of abuse. This form of abuse is called, "Cult" you're dad is forcing you into believing something that you don't want to or even want to attend Church, but are forced and have no other choice but to go.

Keep in mind, being 15 and a minor only certain things you can do at 15, it also depends on the Country and Location because every place has it's own laws and regulations. If you posted back what Country you're in I'm more than happy to provide you with some websites and numbers from our Resources and Hotlines section of TeenHelp.

It seems that your mom has a lot of things going on for her. She is angry about something so she takes that frustration out on you and everything else around her. This can also be a form of emotional (verbal) abuse, depending on what is said and how bad it is. Have you ever expressed to her how this makes you feel when she gets angry? Do you ask her why is she angry? Could asking your therapist if you can express those feelings together with her so it's safe and you are able to do that?

If both you're parents are stressing you out and treating you badly, yes this can be abuse. However, depending on your lactation and regulations it's different from others. Yes, you can seek more help on what is going on. You do have options like, group homes, legally leaving your family which is called, "emancipation" and you can find more information on what it is or you can work with a therapist in strengthen your relationship with your parents and work out issues together, where it is safe.

You should follow your dream goals, if you enjoy something and have a passion for it, you can do everything in your power to make that happen whether or not you're still under your parents roof or living somewhere else.


Please take care,
Chantal


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Re: My Parents aren't NORMAL parents, and They're driving me INSANE! - August 7th 2014, 08:13 PM

First, this is abuse. Idk what country u r from, but the US at least has laws in place. Do you have a family member who you could live with instead of your parents (That treats you right?) At the very least, you could ask to stay at friends homes over the weekends and such. I'm sure they'll be happy to help.
In terms of religion, this is what my grandmother does to me. Thankfully I live with my parents, but we've (My parents, grandmother, and I) Had screaming arguments for hours about this. My parents say I can be what I want to be. All the same, my grandmother interacts with me a lot, and it's never a pleasant experience. I don't know what to say to this, I just tell my grandmother I'm a Christian but don't agree with her on everything, and would rather not discuss it. Because of my grandmother my family started going to church and such to placate her. All the same, that is one of the main reasons I'm not a Christian. (Consider telling your dad that you feel he's pushing you into this, and that it's pushing you away from being Catholic?) As for the gay rights thing, lots of Christians are torn on this topic. (Tell him God says to love everyone and treat them well?) As I don't know your family, I can't necessarily provide an effective solution, but I hope this helps.

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Re: My Parents aren't NORMAL parents, and They're driving me INSANE! - September 22nd 2014, 12:18 AM

Thank you all so much for coming to this post and replying! The help you're offering means a lot to me, especially since I'm slowly running out of possible options...

Unfortunately, I live in NY, which has a ton of laws that just make no plain sense to me, like Emancipation, and it seems that it doesn't require a Lawsuit. This would seem a problem, because that means there's nobody to tell my parents, "Hey, your son's not under your control anymore, he doesn't have to listen to you!" Not only that, but even if they let me, they still have a ton of influence over my life, such as they are required in the process of getting a Driver's License, setting up Bank Accounts, getting Working Papers, Ect.

This is extremely problematic, as I want to sever all communications with them, but to do that would mean I can;t start working until I'm 18. PLUS, they'd probably keep all the money they had in a bank account they made for my college fund, which is Birthday and Holiday Checks, from what I know about it. Even bigger problem, I'm not sure if NYS gives Emancipation funding for Minors, and I don't know if my friends would let me stay with them. I'm already starting Junior year, so It'd be 2 years of me staying, but they'd probably be hesitant about it. I'd also like to stay somewhere near my school, as it would make getting through these next few years easier. I also take 2 different Medications for Focus and anger management. (Even though BOTH do pisspoor jobs of enhancing BOTH, I get a Nasty Headache from not taking it and my head feels as if it's drowning in thoughts, too!)

I'm not sure if getting a Restraining Order would be a possibility, as I read somewhere that Minors cannot access Lawsuits, but I;m not sure that's true...

As for my Parents, It's gotten to the point where I feel more wanted at Friend's House then my actual house. Just today, I came home from a Friend's house after staying the night to work on a Movie Review, and my mood went from being relaxed and generally good-feeling to Pissed, Annoyed, and sad, All because I went home. I don't know if I could convince them to go for adoption, as they seem to resent me, But they probably won't listen to My therapist telling them that what they're doing is mentally killing me. Same for trying to explain things on my end. "I'm in the wrong" they'd say, and "I'm the major cause of these problems". It's just and endless nightmare of Stupidity, Illogical-ness, Immaturity, and Bad parenting.

Oh, and my mother apparently seems to think that my chances of going to Britain and going to a College there a re pretty slim, because my dad decided to give me a college lecture (Even though I've been researching since 7th Grade!), she decided to discourage me frmm going by calling my dreams for my life "Fantasies" and such. I realsied later that I DID want to make backup plans, but she turned the whole night a shitfest because NOT ONLY did she decide to vent her unexplainable anger on me that night, but she also decided that it would apply to my future plans and me LOCKING MY SHOWER DOOR, as I got so upset I was ranting to myself in the shower, and she ran upstairs in anger, made me OPEN the door, then WATCHED ME in the shower, along with my dad, (oh, get this, PRIVACY is a Privilege to them!) and then threw on the "Law-Can't-Touch-Me" Act when I told her I could press charges for watching! (Might have been a little far-fetched, I was pretty upset and she was making it worse, but it's still not right!)

Long story short, NYS has Child Ownership laws of Slaves, and my Parents are literally driving me out. But I hope this info helps further!
   
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