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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Helped a mate - December 24th 2020, 06:29 PM

Hello everyone

I helped a mate of mine he’s a lot older then me has kids
Long story short
Covid 19 made him redundant lost his job he had lots of bills debt pilling up
I gave him 10000 pounds yes 10k
And now I feel stupid for helping someone out like that when I could of spent it on myself am I selfish?
   
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Re: Helped a mate - December 24th 2020, 06:44 PM

Ultimately it's up to you what you should do with it. Everyone has their own perceptions on what they'd have done with the money.

For me personally, if they were that close of a friend and I had more than enough money to do so, I'd have done the same. If I had a close friend who was in quite a predicament and I didn't have as much money, I'd still try and help them so long as it doesn't impede on my own finances.


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Re: Helped a mate - December 24th 2020, 08:35 PM

You reached out to help a mate in the time of their need, and need it was. Being in debt must be a terrible feeling, such a burden, but you helped your mate from the goodness and generosity of your heart.

To me that speaks a lot about your character.

Don't feel bad about it. You did a great kindness to someone special to you, and helped them. Maybe one day a similar kindness will be given to you.

I wish you and your mate a happy Christmas.
   
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Re: Helped a mate - December 25th 2020, 08:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rivière View Post
Ultimately it's up to you what you should do with it. Everyone has their own perceptions on what they'd have done with the money.

For me personally, if they were that close of a friend and I had more than enough money to do so, I'd have done the same. If I had a close friend who was in quite a predicament and I didn't have as much money, I'd still try and help them so long as it doesn't impede on my own finances.

Thanks for your reply I really appreciate it!
Just really stressing me out
My friend has a job that he is over qualified for just to get by on as he was made redundant.
I asked him aboout getting a higher paying job again and his response was waiting for Covid to go away maybe I just have a different mind set I don’t let the situation stop me or slow me down

He has kids family I want the money back eventually am I being an ass hole?
   
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Re: Helped a mate - December 26th 2020, 02:37 AM

You helped a friend out which was a nice thing to do, especially in these times. Maybe talk to your friend about setting up a payment plan if you want the money back.


   
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Re: Helped a mate - December 28th 2020, 10:10 PM

I think it was really generous of you to do that and if you have that type of money in your bank account, then there's absolutely nothing wrong with helping a friend out that way.

Personally, I would never give any friend money no matter how close I am to them. Instead, I would give them presents such as gift certificates — mainly Amazon — or make a purchase from their wish list, whether that's been posted to a social media account or it's been brought up in conversation.

But I think you did a very generous thing, especially during a time like this.
   
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Re: Helped a mate - December 29th 2020, 02:16 PM

Your friend is very lucky to have such a selfless person to help look out for them. If I was in the financial position to help someone like that I'd definitely do that myself. I think ultimately if you feel comfortable helping in such a way, you should be proud to do so.

I don't think it makes you a bad person to expect that to be paid back though, however I would consider letting your friend know this and maybe even getting something written down in black and white to avoid possible issues in the future. It can be an awkward conversation to have but 10k is a lot of money and I don't blame you for expecting it to be returned when the circumstances allow.



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Re: Helped a mate - December 29th 2020, 03:03 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by bringmethehorizon♥ View Post
Thanks for your reply I really appreciate it!
Just really stressing me out
My friend has a job that he is over qualified for just to get by on as he was made redundant.
I asked him aboout getting a higher paying job again and his response was waiting for Covid to go away maybe I just have a different mind set I don’t let the situation stop me or slow me down

He has kids family I want the money back eventually am I being an ass hole?
He may have too much on his mind or too many things going on to risk losing the job he has if any new jobs application or probation period falls through. I can understand his thoughts on Covid, a lot of people are trying to stick with the job they have because many people have been made unemployed, so those with jobs just stick with it to make money at the expense of their own happiness.

I don't think you're being an a-hole for wanting your money back eventually. I definitely agree with Hollie though, see if you can get a written statement or confirmation of monetary transfer to ensure you get the money back. At the moment, it's just your word against his, outside of a bank statement and transfer.


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Re: Helped a mate - January 1st 2021, 01:43 PM

Hi Justin,

You helped out a friend in need - there is nothing to feel bad about that! I think it's very admirable that you helped a person who's in such a dire situation, considering his kids depend on him. I don't think I would've done what you did (i.e. part with £10, 000) though I would have tried to help them out in another way.

What you did was your decision, an altruistic one that too. Since he's having a hard time, he will take some time to return you the money. We've had this situation in our family whereby we lent large sums to our relatives and friends - some of whom took time to return, others who returned the money in a timely fashion while some haven't returned anything at all. I'm sure your friend is very grateful for your help and will pay you back in due course. I do agree that £10, 000 is a lot of money, so like Flight and Hollie suggested, perhaps you might want to discuss a payment plan once things begin to look better for him, or having a payment contract written down?

Anyhow, like Wendi said, good things do come around. I'm sure someone will be of timely help to you one day


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Re: Helped a mate - January 22nd 2021, 07:03 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by bringmethehorizon♥ View Post
Hello everyone

I helped a mate of mine he’s a lot older then me has kids
Long story short
Covid 19 made him redundant lost his job he had lots of bills debt pilling up
I gave him 10000 pounds yes 10k
And now I feel stupid for helping someone out like that when I could of spent it on myself am I selfish?
Don't feel bad. You are not selfish. If you gave him that much money it's because you care about him. Be proud of yourself and soon If you're in debt then you can rely upon someone.
   
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