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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Somethings wrong with me. - January 5th 2021, 07:16 PM

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]After the election one of my best friends said that she will not be friends with me anymore because of who I picked. It was my first time voting. Then today at school another friend said she's moving 9 hour's away from me. Feel like something is wrong with me. Want to cry.[/size][/color][/font]
   
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Re: Somethings wrong with me. - January 5th 2021, 07:33 PM

Hey

I'm sorry to hear that your friend said that, and that your other friend is moving away. That sounds like a lot to happen in a short space of time and I can understand why you feel upset right now.

With regards to your friend who said they cannot be friends with you because of the election, this is a complicated one because in some ways who a person votes for can be an indicator of many clashes in values and beliefs. My recommendation here would be to open up a dialogue with her and find out what it is about your vote that has made her feel this way. It doesn't mean that something is wrong with you, but if a political figure stands for certain things which are a conflict of interest for some people, having someone they trust send a vote their way might be challenging. Opening up this conversation might be tough, as both you and your friend may end up testing your belief systems and challenging a lot of what you know, but politics can be a rough area for many people who are sometimes disadvantaged by the policies which come with an election. If nothing else, showing your friend that you are open to listening, learning, and challenging things is a good thing, and with any luck she will open herself up in the same way and you can both learn something about why each of you voted and believed in the things you do. Politics is a difficult one to comment on neutrally, so I'll leave that one there and hope that something in there helps you find a way through this!

Hearing that a friend is moving so far away sounds really hard and I'm sorry that you have to face that. I want you to know that them moving away has nothing to do with you. Chances are there are many other reasons for the move. It could be family, finances, a better way of life, but it's very unlikely that something being wrong with you is the reason for this. The really good thing is that in today's world there are a million ways to keep in touch. It's not the same as face to face contact (we've all found that out the hard way this year!), but it can at least bridge the gap between seeing someone you care about. See if you can set up zoom or skype calls every now and then, or keep in touch via social media or text. There are really fun things you can do over the internet to keep it interesting too, such as playing online games together, doing quizzes, or even having a virtual dinner together! If you wanted to make it personal, you could also become penpals, allowing you to handwrite letters or draw pictures for the other person so that you feel like you are each still a part of each others lives.

Finally, I want you to know that crying is okay. Crying is a good way to release intense emotion and it's nothing to be ashamed about. What you're going through here sounds tough, and it's understandable that you're feeling how you do. Give yourself permission to be upset, you're allowed to. Nothing is wrong with you, and life sometimes throws a curveball that winds you. How you're reacting to this, with crying and being sad, is totally normal.

I hope you're getting through this okay. If you need anything at all the forums are always here for you, and you are more than welcome to reach out for help any time you need some support. I'm sorry again that you're going through a tough time, but I really do hope that you'll find ways to cope and gradually feel better.

Take care



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Re: Somethings wrong with me. - January 9th 2021, 03:03 PM

Hi there,

Thanks for reaching out!

Firstly, nothing is wrong with you. To vote is your right. Your friend's reaction is very typical of people who feel strongly about a political party. As I've experienced too in my life, differences in political opinions can change the course of friendships. I've lost friends over differences in political opinions, so I can understand what you're going through. Like Hollie said, this might be an opportunity to communicate your differences if your friend is willing to talk about it and see if you might be able to reach a middle ground.

From my experience, I can tell you one thing - no political party or candidate is perfect as such. Some might be better than the other, no doubt. But each of us has our reasons behind voting for a particular politician, and that is strongly driven by our own views on particular matters which in turns depends on our upbringing, environment, how that politician might benefit us, etc. It's often very subjective. But another thing I can tell you is that even despite differences, friendships can still be civil. It's unfortunate that your friend took your decision to vote for a particular candidate so seriously that she had to turn her back on you, but perhaps she might change her mind eventually. But also, if a friendship were true, people will stay or come back. Don't think too much about this, and remember that you have a right to vote for whomever you voted for.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend who is moving away. However, I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with you! People move for many reasons. I know it feels like right now since both the incidents with your friends are happening at the same time, but it doesn't have anything to do with you. You can always keep in touch online or meet your friend your holidays/breaks.

Take care!


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Re: Somethings wrong with me. - January 10th 2021, 11:24 AM

I feel for you because for almost a year, my closest friend, a Norwegian girl, ghosted me and then unexpectedly reappeared apologizing for her sudden departure.

During the time she was gone I felt empty, confused wondering if I had inadvertently offended her, but having saved all our conversations, realised I spoke with honesty and compassion, so when we commenced emailing again, she explained her mother had to move home to a safer area because her previous home could have been affected by a landslide, such as happened fairly recently and to tragic loss of life.

I accepted her apology, and we continued. Except she was angry at her mother because she had lost all her friends and her new school made it difficult to make new friends.

I explained that parents have to make informed decisions, namely your mother made decision to move for political reasons, nonetheless we have to abide our parents' wishes until moving out, we can choose a home of our own and, in an area best suited for ourselves.

In your situation I don't see why you and your friend cannot continue being friendly and civil as Mallika suggested, and you make extra effort talking to her either using Face Time in Facebook if you two have it, or try using Zoom to maintain a more personal conversation and seeing each other.

Trust will need to be the foundation on which you set your friendship. Regular writing and sharing feelings will help foster happier times together. This is what I tried with my Norwegian friend, though eventually she ceased correspondence with me because she started university.

I doubt very much the situation with your friend moving away had anything to do with you, because her parents needed to move on. Hopefully you can put this difference behind you and the pair of youj can continue during school term times and holiday/national labour days.

Best wishes to you
Take care and please keep in contact with us. We will always try to be here for you.

Happy New Year!


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