Triggering (Bullying): Would you rather your child be a bully or be bullied?

[Pelios]

Would you rather your child be a bully or be bullied?

[Rockey]

Well, if I had a child. I would want my kid to be er.. So hard.. I think be a bully. If he is a bully no one would mess with him. But, if he was bullied he could hurt himself and stuff. Which.. I wouldn't want. Not sure. :/ Hard question, Andrea.

[mindflower]

Whoa.... that's one intense question.

Um... I think... I think I'm going to say... this is so hard because I've always had this mindset that if I have kids, they're going to be the sweetest little things ever, and I know that they'll be liked, I'd really try my hardest to be this amazing mother so they AREN'T mean to people, and bully. But its not in my control or their control if they are bullied, so at least its not something that could have been taken care of? But I don't want my kid(s) to be bullied either, that's so harsh and I could never say that, you know? In my heart I'm just sort of praying that they would be able to come to me and their father, and talk about it, so we could stop the bullying and be there for them, and help them see their true friends and that hurting themselves or acting out isn't the right route.

...I can't answer this. I'm not even... sure

[Ennui.]

I'll be the weird one to say be bullied. If I'm a parent, I hope I'll be something like my mom, who will rain hellfire on the school and tear the administration apart until something is done. Therefore the bullies would be taken care of. And I'd rather know I'm not raising someone who thinks it's fine to hurt other people like that. Though I'd not want to see my child get hurt, that would kill me, too. I'm just saying I could go rain hellfire.

[Lumos.]

This question is really hard because... I don't want my child to bully because one, he/she will not be raised that way and two, i don't want my child to make someone else feel bad and want to hurt themselves.
but..... i don't want my kid to be bullied because i have gone through that and wouldn't want my child to go through that, i don't want them to ever have thoughts about hurting themselves. I just can't answer this, really. Its too hard and its quite a thought provoking question though.

[Kate*]

I said I'd rather they be bullied. It's not that I want them to be victimized, but more that I feel like I would be able to handle it better and know what to do. If my child was the bully I think I'd have a harder time understanding them and I wouldn't be sure how to go about convincing them that it isn't okay. I'd have an easier time convincing a bullied kid that it's the bully's problem than I would convincing a bully that bullying is wrong.

[Ambedo.]

This is a really tough question! I think I would rather have my child be bullied because I'd just go raise hell with the school and get it taken care of. I would hate to think that my child believed that hurting other people physically or emotionally was okay in any way. As much as it would suck to see my kid being victimized, I feel like I would do a better job of handling it.

[Twinge]

These positions are different by what you learn after (either being bullied or being the bully), what insecurities they bring and the roles are burden themselves.
Neither is better than the other, and it's irrational to think your child won't wind up being violent towards others or being a victim at any point of their lives. The world is not all Cotton Candy and Rainbows.

I don't want to choose, but I'd be realistic if I had to.
Be bullied because, genes.

[hocus pocus]

I completely agree with Dez.

I'd rather be able to help my child and teach them how precious they are than have them think that it's okay to hurt others.

[CorrieUSMC]

Bullied, I rather teach my kid to kick ass than kick his ass.

[Adam the Fish]

I'd rather neither, personally, but if it came to it, Bullied.

It's not really ideal, sure, but better than whatever would cause someone to become a Bully.

[NonIndigenous]

Would depend of how well he or she'd take it, but probably bullied.

Because I see most bullies turn out to be very unremarkable people later on in life.

It's the ones who get bullied and learn to cope with it that know better how to deal with people's shit later on. But they have to learn to cope with it. That's the parents' job.

[Forging Galaxies]

That's a striking question but I'm force to imply my answer instantly.
If my child, or children are bullied. I will go insane on the bullies, I will probs host a meeting with the bully's parents and try and look threatening to the bully so he can never touch my children ever again.

But if I find my kids to be bullies, I'll put a stop to it right away and I will provide myself as a healthy figure to them. At least not like a father who regularly sees you at lunch and tea. I would want to be with them everyday.

I'll ensure my child will never become nether of those things. o he or she is a charming, nice person with respect to others.

[Azure.]

That's a difficult question. If I had to choose one, I would say bullied. I would want my child to be nice and respectful. And kind. The difficulties in life are what make us stronger, better people. Although its awful to get bullied, I wouldn't want my child to be a bully.

[Pirouette]

Well, I know I'm going to sound like a horrible person for saying this but I'd rather have my child learn the hard way- so being bullied. Honestly, I've experienced some bullying, and its really taught me some life-long lessons of staying strong and not losing hope. I personally think hardships are good for that reason because they pretty much enable you as a person to see and learn things you've never have. I know bullying can also backfire, leading to other things such as SH for a lot of people, substance use, major depression, etc. I wouldn't want that to happen, but I think its worth learning how to deal with people who are just rude and will never learn to accept others for the way they are. But yeah, minor bullying is what I want my kid to experience-nothing too bad, but to the point where he/she learns some valuable lessons about people in the real world.

[Loving Linux Penguin]

Why is this a binary? Why are we assuming that our kids should be either one? I wouldn't want EITHER to apply, and I would point out that most bullies have been bullied, so it is a cycle (they'd likely end up being both).

[Pelios]

Originally Posted by Loving Linux Penguin

Why is this a binary? Why are we assuming that our kids should be either one? I wouldn't want EITHER to apply, and I would point out that most bullies have been bullied, so it is a cycle (they'd likely end up being both).

It's just a two answer question because if I would of put a third answer such as "neither" everyone would of picked it. I'm made it so that you had to pick either that or this. Just a simple question, many don't want their kids to be bullied nor be a bully but chances of your kid being either one are high being real we don't live in a perfect world.

[Skeleton]

I would say bullied because I'd rather teach my child how to stand up for themselves and how amazing they really are then have to tell them not to be a bully.

[Rivière]

I would rather my child be bullied. As hard and as painful as bullying may be, it makes a person much stronger, less naive, less trusting, more cautious and gives them a much more sensitive view on those who follow in their footsteps in years to come. It gives them a unique perspective on how to deal with bullies and how best to overcome problems faced by bullies in general.

[Debaser]

I'd rather they be bullied, because generally people are picked on due to a unique quality about them e.g. ginger, smart, tall and so on. I know when i'm a parent i want to give my children the tools to realise that uniqueness is something to be celebrated and i'd hope they'd have a bedrock of self confidence so to treat it as water off a ducks back.
In my personal experience although i didn't have the parenting that i strive to give in the future, i feel being bullied at school and home has given me a thicker skin and ability to standup for myself and others as i've matured.

I would hate for them to be the bully themselves as for starters this would reflect on me as a parent as generally most bullies are bullied themselves at home. And to think my child would hate something based on a difference or a confidence issue in themselves would be really saddening.

[Pelios]

Originally Posted by Debaser

I'd rather they be bullied, because generally people are picked on due to a unique quality about them e.g. ginger, smart, tall and so on. I know when i'm a parent i want to give my children the tools to realise that uniqueness is something to be celebrated and i'd hope they'd have a bedrock of self confidence so to treat it as water off a ducks back.
In my personal experience although i didn't have the parenting that i strive to give in the future, i feel being bullied at school and home has given me a thicker skin and ability to standup for myself and others as i've matured.

I would hate for them to be the bully themselves as for starters this would reflect on me as a parent as generally most bullies are bullied themselves at home. And to think my child would hate something based on a difference or a confidence issue in themselves would be really saddening.

I like your way of thinking! About that unique qualities.

[Philomath]

I'll have to say bullied.
I know that what I have gone through has taught me a whole lot about the world, so many lessons and in some ways what I have been through has allowed me to see the world differently than a lot of people.
If my child were bullied, I'd do my best to support them, communicate constantly with school and do other things that would be helpful in stopping what was occuring.
If they were the bully, I would support them too and try to teach them what they are doing is wrong but I believe that with where I have been I would be able to better empathize with my child.
I think another part of this equation is that bullies become bullies after going through bullying themsleves in a lot of situations.
Really tough question!

[eckky]

I would say bullied I hate bullys