Say something you wish you could say to their face. - Page 221

Kate* · 09:46 PM

You've had your whole life to come to terms with your permanent limitations, chances are they've had a lot less time to do so, and their's may not be permanent. That's the difference. Don't pressure people to be as positive as you are, they're coming from a completely different place.

Why have you suddenly decided that after I have therapy, we have to go do stuff?! 2 sessions and both times you've pulled this now. Did it ever occur to you that after stirring up everything, I might just want to go home and stay there?! What is wrong with you?!

Calaer

It's going to be hard, but I want to forgive you, and I want to move on. I don't want to hold this anger and hate in my life anymore. I just want things to be done and over with, and I want us to move on.

Edit avatar

Senator Warren: You go girl! Although I would have spat in the palm of my hand and then exchanged a shake.

Proud to be associated with Massachusetts and you!

Kate* · 11:41 PM

Just because you've been working from the second you could walk does NOT give you the right to judge those of us who haven't. Last I checked, you're NOT the authority on anyone else's ability to work. Try again when you have a medical or mental health degree and have personally evaluated every person you've called "lazy" for fighting something you'll never experience. You don't decide how impaired I am.

Don't bash people who need that medication to function and if you don't want to do things that would probably help you then don't complain to me that you're miserable.

That was directed at you as much as anyone because attacking your so-called friends in "bipartisan" fits is still attacking them and throwing fits. They're allowed to disagree with you, that doesn't make you more mature than anyone.

A justified mental struggle is still justified and comparing to someone else's worse reality is not the way to deal with it. Mental illness is not a pity party and you are not capable of or required to "snap out of it." You're sending the wrong message.

I'm the definition of invisible to you, but I'm used to it. I can still act more mature about this than I've seen you act about anything.

That is not what I suggested you do, quite the opposite actually. But, if that's how you want to take it, that's fine.

Calaer

I'm in hopes that you will become more mature and that you come back to where you need to be.

Edit avatar

Whatchu talk bout Willis? You ain't funny, Willis.

Calaer

I really hope I get through to you, and I hope that all goes well.

Kate* · 04:36 AM

I don't know that I won't do that. Next time, instead of saying "but you have or did" when I tell you I'm not sure I'll recover, realize that I don't consider myself "recovered" yet. This is where I got stuck, and the things you're asking me are the things I don't have answers for.

I think, no, I know that I actually broke because of this, but I don't think I need you to fix it anymore. I knew I'd eventually get here, but I'm still holding on to you because you NEVER know. The only thing I won't do is exaggerate or sugar coat. You're getting the honest truth of what this really did to me because I need you to see that, I still have hope that you aren't like them. And even if you don't handle this anymore, I won't let you forget me. There will be someone there with a heart who knows what this looks like on the other side, day one. I still hope for help from you, but I don't know what you could or would do.

I almost wish it was true just so I knew my life was destroyed for a valid reason, instead I was taken advantage of and screwed over because of a disability.

Calaer

I really hope that by my example you can start to get things back in order. I'd love to see you thrive.

Celyn

I know that you were hurt, but I'm hurt too. You left me, and I miss you. Does that make me selfish?

PlasmaHam

You are totally playing right into my hand, and you don't even realize it.

Calaer

I really hope that I'm able to help you. I hate the fact that you feel the way you do. I know that you're worried, but I wish I could just prove to you that you don't have to.

Everglow.

Nana, I miss you so much. It's so hard still, and it's been 4 months since you first went into hospital nd never came out. I wish you were still here. I keep thinking of graduation and wishing you could have been there to see me make something of myself. Like the other lot never did. I know you were proud and I just wish you could have seen me make you prouder. I wish you'd have gone away on the 10th like you wanted. I wish so hard that it would all be a bad dream and you'd be back. I love you millions and I'll keep telling you that every day because you are still one of the best people I ever got the pleasure of knowing.

-----------

You're such a good person but your priorities are all wrong. After how he's treated you and made you feel, and how he's hurt you in so many ways, you keep letting him back in. He will never make the changed he needs to make in order to be with you. He won't ever make himself better if you're always going to be there supporting him and sticking up for him when he really really fucks it up. He's not a good person. He's abusive and he's probably hurting too but it doesn't mean you have to be his literal punching bag when he's struggling to stay on top of his own addictions. You are so clever and so kind and he doesn't deserve you, but you keep giving him all of you and there's nothing left at the end. You bottle it all up and we watch you cry over a man who treats you like dirt. You could do so much if you didn't let him control the potential you have. I just wish you'd see how much you're worth and how little he's worth for doing this to you.

Calaer

I love you, and I might even be a little glad about the fact that you're back in my life. I just hope that you continue to make improvements and that you're able to stay in my life.

Kate* · 05:21 AM

You were exactly where you needed to be. Problem was, it caused my poorly handled nightmare scenario to take place amid a game of administrative musical chairs, making me the unlucky kid who got plowed down.

Here we go again, I make this harder than it needs to be because my situation makes it weird. If I have to live with this because of your faculty, you can handle hearing about it. You wanted this to be a blessing in disguise, but it's just a nightmare, no blessing, and dealing with both at once proved too much. Please don't think I'm doing this to guilt trip you. I"m not being melodramatic, but I'm not going to sugarcoat it either.

Cumulative, broke me, done. You got what you wanted, be happy, I quit.

Mrs.Butterfly

Thank you for making me feel like the worst writer in the world. Making me wonder why I even bother anymore...

Calaer

I wish that you would pay more attention to what you say.

Calaer

I really wish you wanted to be here more, but I guess I understand.

Kate* · 06:50 AM

So, you believe everyone has options, but want me to seriously consider the one that is the epitome of giving up? Yeah, you just proved my whole point. Worse before better, I know. I don't think better is coming for me.

I tried your assignment, which is the same exact thing I've done constantly for the last two years, and spiraled worse than I have in months. Good job. I'm proving my own point and I may as well just give up.

There's a huge difference between a lack of work ethic and a lack of ability. I tried I hope you have a plan B for next time though, because I failed.

Ambedo.

It hurts to realize that I haven't seen you this happy in such a long time...and that I'm not the reason you feel it now.

Calaer

I really hope that these decisions I'm making are going to work towards us working things out. If not, I'm not sure what I'm going to do.

Lemon.

I've grown up. I know better now. I will never be your definition of 'functional', but I don't want to die anymore.

Calaer

I really hope that I'm able to move past these feelings. I don't want to feel this way towards you forever. I just hope that something changes.

Edit avatar

I have a major crush on you, and if I knew you weren't straight or married, or worked at the college I would totally ask you out. You understand me so much. You care and show patients with me. I'm falling harder and harder for you each time we talk. It is probably obvious that I like you but I don't care because you are amazing.

Calaer

I'm sorry for having to be so brash about things, but I'm not going to sit around and pretend like we are okay when we aren't.

Kate* · 04:59 PM

What part of severe, permanent limitations did you not understand? I can't just pick something else and run with it. I lost my last dream and the reason is never going away. Show me what to do to get out of this and I'll do it.

I'm just about over your forced positivity crap, but suggesting that you aren't even allowed to have a bad day, and that everyone with depression makes their family miserable because of it SERIOUSLY crosses the line.

Calaer

I miss you, more than I ever thought possible.

Kate* · 07:54 AM

My ability to trust is completely shot. Either you're one of the handful who actually care(d), or you're really good at faking it. You did when you didn't have to, but I don't know why. I wasn't even worth a lunch break to them, and they couldn't be adult enough to do it to my face. That's on top of the illegal disability discrimination, yet I'M the one who's so "unprofessional" and immature that ruining my life was a viable alternative to allowing me my dream of dedicating a majority of my life to the service of others.

Either he was right about everything, or you ruined my life for no reason. Even if you intended for me to have "options" outside of there, they aren't what I want, and I don't, and even if I did, they're no longer accessible to me.

Calaer

I'm just over your entire existence. I hope you fall over.

Edit avatar

Why didn't you do this on Friday? Now I have to wait longer before I can go; possibly until late this week.

Can't you see that this is the only thing keeping me going?

roseegirl

Dont you know what a clock is? Maybe you should use it instead of getting me excited then never showing.

Calaer

I really miss you.

Kate*

"Up to two weeks, but we try to do it much faster than that." It's been two weeks, more than. But, I already feel like I bother you too much, so I'm giving you a month before I say something. I swear I fail or fall through the cracks with literally EVERYTHING I try to do.

daisy_jam

I really wish you didn't shut me out..

MWF

My teachers, save for one upstanding fellow, are all completely evil motherfuckers.

Edit avatar

I'm spending our last few days together fighting with you like I'm an obstinate teenager. That's not what I want to be doing but I'm not sure how else to express my feelings. I guess I don't really have the right words these days and I'm sorry for that.

Kate* · 07:53 PM

This broke me and I finally learned when to quit.

Who put the target on my back, and when? How long was I the only one who didn't know, when was everyone told to turn on me, and who decided that? I think it was you, and that's why I don't completely trust you anymore.

People who say that are so ignorant I can't stand it. It's called research idiot, you might want to try doing some.

My 'homework' is supposed to be difficult, not dangerous. I'm giving you one more chance to really "get" me, or I'm looking for someone else. I'm limited as it is, and I need a good experience for once. You're the best I've had, but I'm not sure this is working either.

Alright, that went much better! I'm keeping you and I never thought I'd say thank God you're an incurable optimist because I need somebody to hold me up for now. So much failure from legitimate effort, I can't take it.

Calaer

I hate that you don't take care of your children. I just pray that one day they will have someone who loves them and who will take care of them, because clearly you aren't going to.

Ambedo.

Why are you the one coming to mind? Your voice shouldn't be a comfort anymore, but it's all I want to hear right now.

Calaer

I truly just despise you. You're hateful, selfish, and rude. You don't treat anyone with respect, especially the people who support you and who keep you up. I mean you're living in her house, to the point where she had to move out, with no where to go, and all you do is yell at her and scream at her, and lets not forget how she pays your bills. I don't want you around me or my child. I love it if she grew up never knowing who you are.