Triggering (Suicide): Tonight I'm dying (poem)

[Agony]

Tonight I'm dying.
I'm done with this pain
Done with people taking everything.
I'm done thinking I'm insane.
Do e with getting mad at anything.
Tonight I'm crying.
I'm done not being truthful and lying
Done not showing myself, instead hiding
Most of all, I'm done fighting.
I just want to give in
Commit God's greatest sin
Just take a bottle of pills
And pray that's all it takes to kill
But still I think is this real?
Do I truly want to die?
Do I really want to say goodbye?
Or is this all just a lie?
Yes I want things to get better
Better then Tina's fucking letter
But I'm so fed up with this sorrow
That's what's making me not want to wake up tomorrow
I'm sick of my nightmares
Sick of my fears
Sick of love
Sick of the man above
Does anyone care about me?
Can anyone open there eyes and see?
This goes on to show
How much I want to go
Please someone help me I plead
I am a person in need
A friend is what I need, indeed
My pain grows on me it begins to feed
All I need is someone to tell me no
Tell me to hold on and not let go
Is anyone out there?
Does anyone even care?
Or will they continue to look through me with a stare?
Tears pour out
My friends, my parents they know nothing about
This new me
If only they would have open there eyes to see
I'm dying tonight.

Tell me what you think!! Yes, this poem is about me.

[Agony]

I just want to say that this wil probably be my last poem I will ever make...I'm done.

[Celaena-Sardothian]

Please don't do it Ash. There are people out there who will help you get through this

[Agony]

I don't know what I'm doing yet...I just cut myself for the first time tonight..and I really liked it..I just don't know.

[Celaena-Sardothian]

If you don't know yet, keep it that way. And cutting is like that. I read somewhere it releases stuff (can't remember what they're called) that make you happy. But it's a fake sort of happy, even if it feels real.
PM me if you wanna talk

[Agony]

I'm weighing my options...it all comes down to one persons input and it's not mine...if Tina forgives me I will live but if she doesn't..I'm dead.

[Ennui.]

I know that things may be tough now, but please try to stay strong. Even though things may be difficult now, it won't be like that forever. There's a saying that states "Everything will be okay in the end, so if it's not okay, it's not the end," and that is true. Keep writing poetry as your outlet for all of these pent up emotions, you are such a beautiful writer and it is such an amazing way to release emotions.

[Tigereyes]

Please don't do it Ash. I care about you. And try to stop cutting now before it becomes an addiction and very difficult to stop. I've been there and while it may seem like cutting is easier and makes you feel better, it honestly just makes everything worse. Please stay strong, and you can always PM me if you want to talk to someone.

Beautiful poem, by the way. It was so sad, I nearly started crying. You definitely have a gift for writing so use this gift to help you pull through. I know you can do it.

[Agony]

Thanks it's just...I have a lot of shit going through my head right now..the doctors can't figure out what's wrong with me..my friend won't listen to me or talk to me..my other friend is freaking out about me..it's like I can't focus on anything anymore..but I'm trying

[Tigereyes]

Hey, the doctors will figure it out eventually. Even if it takes them a while, you have a lot of people that care about you. Also, have you tried to figure out why your friend won't talk to you? Try to look back at what happened before they wouldn't talk to you and look at things from your friend's perspective. It's not an easy thing to do, but it can't hurt to try. As for your other friend, if she's freaking out about you, it probably means she's really worried and cares a lot about you (as a friend should!) Maybe you could try to talk to them about how you've been feeling? You can do this. Don't give up.

[Agony]

I know why my other friend hates me, Ive been apologizing for almost a year...and in that year I've changed into her in my own ways...the cutting, the suicide attempts, the snappy girl that randomly comes out...I don't know if she's ok or not but she won't respond to me. As for my other friend I've tried that (savannah if your reading this don't get mad) but she doesn't understand..she's never been depressed or upset about something for a long time...I know she means well but no matter how much she gets mad at me...I won't change.