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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
NeuroBeautiful Offline
Please call that story back.
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I'm so scared - August 2nd 2017, 11:26 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I am so scared of you
You don't have to be doing anything
The way you've treated me
is already etched into every corner of my mind

I am so scared of you
When you ask me questions
Because you take what I do or say
And spread gossip to my sisters

You don't have to be doing anything
But you've gotten my 3 sisters to do the dirty work
Of chewing me up alive
A "flare up" in the chronicles of bullyhood

You can't handle when I fight back
So you send your little soldiers to do it
While you conveniently give me silent treatment so you appear to have not been involved
But i know exactly who is pulling those strings
I used to be one of your little soldiers

I don't know if it is normal for someone to be this scared of their father
To stay up for hours, holding back tears,
Too scared to cry, too anxious to fall sleep
While you lay fast asleep a few feet away

Home isn't safe,
After everyone had gone to bed
A surge of jealousy rises in me
Because they get to sleep, they get to not care
I wish I can live life not caring sometimes,
Other times, I want to break free
from frozen numbness

I am so scared of you, but not just you, dad
I am afraid of my sisters, my therapist, of everyone
And of life itself
I learned that others don't trust me with myself and I can't trust myself either
I learned that people get to violate my boundaries on various levels and I have no control over that
I learned that I'm not allowed to talk back, saying "okay" in an annoyed voice, and I get punishment for that
but that you get to do so much more, so much
And no one is there to keep you accountable
No one is there to protect me,
You've isolated me to the point I isolate myself
To the point that,
No one is there at all


~Show Yourself
Step Into Your Power~

~Grow Yourself,
Into Something New~
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Ennui. Offline
Living the dream.

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Re: I'm so scared - August 2nd 2017, 09:46 PM

I am sorry you have to go through all of this. <3


Do you ever get a little bit tired of life
Like you're not really happy but you don't wanna die
Like you're hanging by a thread but you gotta survive
'Cause you gotta survive
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
hocus pocus Offline
Feline the love.

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Re: I'm so scared - August 3rd 2017, 01:46 PM

I really like this, I can feel the emotion in it, especially when you said that he isolates you to the point where you isolate yourself. Keep sharing your work with us. <3


If clarity's in death, then why won't this die?
Years of tearing down our banners, you and I
Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts
Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first


The axe forgets, but the tree remembers
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
DeletedAccount69
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Re: I'm so scared - August 5th 2017, 10:42 PM

I am sorry you have to deal with this. I am glad that you are sharing your thoughts and feelings and I hope that sharing helps. If you ever want to chat feel free to message me.
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