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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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My boyfriend's family! - November 13th 2013, 05:44 PM

Hey there,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and a half years. I feel so terrible for saying this but I find his family over-bearing.
We never get any time alone, my parents respect our privacy so if we're going out to do something they don't tag along constantly.

I'll give you some background to help you understand things better. My boyfriend's step-dad passed away about 3 years ago, his mum is not from the area and moved to London to be with my boyfriend's step-dad, so she doesn't really have many friends round here.
His sister really looks up to him and wants to be around him CONSTANLY. While most of the time I don't mind it if we're going out we can't do anything alone and sometimes I feel like he allows it to happen. His mum is constantly manipulating things, if my boyfriend says he'll be home at a particular time and he's at mine, if he's even the slightest bit late then she goes into one, I wouldn't mind but he's 25 years old, he's a grown up. When she's having a go at him, I always feel as though it's my fault when there's nothing to be sorry for. We're both adults and while I appreciate we both still live under our parent's roofs there should be some mutual level of respect. My mum and dad have learnt to deal with things a long time ago, but his mum seems to get more childish by the day, she is making life more difficult and I don't understand why.

I'm just fed up of it all. We're both adults and it's time to be treated like it.
Please someone help, I'm starting to lose it, I can feel myself flipping out sooner or later.
Paige


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Re: My boyfriend's family! - November 13th 2013, 07:04 PM

Have you ever told him how any of that makes you feel? It's really up to him to step up and explain to his family that you guys need couple time. He can bring it up nicely and explain that you both will still have family time with his family, but it really sounds like he needs to say something. I may not have experienced the problem of being an adult and still having this happened, but I did have a similar problem where my (ex) girlfriend's siblings never gave us time to ourselves. After my girlfriend talked to her family about it, it took a while to calm down. Eventually, it did calm down though. Just hang in there!


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
xxpaigiexx Offline
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Re: My boyfriend's family! - November 24th 2013, 05:50 PM

Hey there,

Thank you! He knows how I feel to an extent, but sometimes he just makes the situation worse by inviting them, I am just fed up of it to be honest. His mum is so controlling, it's like she's scared of him growing up and not needing her anymore. To be honest, she needs him a whole lot more than he needs her. The way she behaves makes it acceptable for my boyfriends sister to behave like a spoilt brat at times.


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Re: My boyfriend's family! - November 25th 2013, 03:55 PM

You should talk to him, he may know to an extent but you should tell him a bit more about how you feel and how you want more alone time with him, without his family tagging along. It's understandable that you're getting annoyed with it because it sounds almost as if his family is also part of your relationship, which you don't want but it's down to him to make the move and tell his family to back off a little bit so you two can be together. If you feel that he encourages it, have you spoken to him about that? There could be a reason why he keeps doing it as opposed to trying to make them stop.
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