Girlfriend Depressed

[BenEL]

I've been going out with this girl for about a month now. We have both been pretty open about her past, and she said she cut for a while, but stopped about 7 months ago. She's been going through some hard times lately and just told me she's been thinking of cutting again. I tried everything I could think of but she's still depressed. I need help on what to do, and preferably fast.

[Ennui.]

Hey there,

I think that one of the best things you can do for her is let her know that you are there for her. Show her how much you care about her and remind her that she can come to you when she needs someone to talk to and you will listen without judging.

Maybe you can also do small gestures for her, even if it's just getting her out of the house for a while and to somewhere fun. I know sometimes it helps me just to get out for a while and do something to distract me, especially if it's with someone like a friend.

If you want, you can also give her this list of alternatives to self harm. Let her know that these are healthier, safer ways to cope that won't leave her with any of the lasting effects of self harm, like having to hide, scars, or risking infection.

Also encourage her to seek help. I'm unsure of how old the two of you are, but if you are school age, you can get help from someone like a teacher, guidance counselor, school nurse, coach, or club adviser. You can tell her to speak with a family member, doctor, therapist, or religious leader as well. If you ever think that she is in any danger, you can always speak to someone such as a teacher to make sure she stays safe.

I hope all goes well!

-Dez

[JaimeGTimms]

It's such a difficult situation, because everyone has different needs and deals with things differently. Don't try and 'fix' her; most importantly, like Dez said, let her know you're there for her. Knowing that you're there for her no matter what should hopefully make her feel a bit safer, as she has you to fall back on.

Try and talk to her about the hard times you mentioned she's been going through, and help her to see that whatever it is can be fixed or dealt with in some way.. Maybe help her try to sort some of these issues so that she doesn't get to the point where harming becomes the only way she can deal with it?


To be honest, Dez pretty much hit the nail on the head with ways to try and help her and ways to help you deal with it. Some people find it a big burden to be holding the knowledge that somebody is considering harming themselves.. An ex boyfriend of mine often got very angry with me for harming myself, usually because he didn't understand, or because it was too much for him to deal with. So I think that's something to take on board; try not to get angry with her when she slips up, or goes against a promise not to hurt herself.


This is a really unorganised answer, sorry, but I hope it is somewhat helpful