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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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My girlfriend had a rough past and is scared of being physically intimate - December 12th 2013, 03:31 PM

Hey everyone. I am needing some advise on what I should do to try help my girlfriend.

First off, her past wasn't great. Her dad was sexually abusive and he harmed himself in front of her and made her feel like it was her fault for it all. Her dad left and she nearly committed suicide.

We've been going out for a little while now. The first thing I noticed was that one week she would be saying how much she wishes she could cuddle then the next she wouldn't be comftorable.

She also knows that with me cuddling, kissing etc. won't turn into sex at all we had that talk already.

Sometimes it seems as if she is so scared of even the littlest things for example she can barely make eye contact because she is afraid. I always tell her that she is good enough and worth it to me and that it's okay that she's afraid and that if something's uncomftorable for her, make sure she tells me.

She is an amazing person and she is so caring and sweet. I hope there is some way I could help but I'm thinking time, taking things slow making sure she's comftorable and a lot of prayers are the best things to do.
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Re: My girlfriend had a rough past and is scared of being physically intimate - December 12th 2013, 07:46 PM

It sounds like you what you are doing is good. Also if you haven't sit down and talk with her about all sis and make it clear that you want to take things slow so she's comfortable. Keep doing everything you are doing to, you will get there
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Re: My girlfriend had a rough past and is scared of being physically intimate - December 12th 2013, 08:01 PM

If she isn't already, I would highly recommend your girlfriend go to see a therapist. While everything you're doing to support her is wonderful and supportive, a professional is really the one best-equipped to help her get past some of these serious issues.

Unfortunately, this is something that is going to take time. For years your girlfriend had it ingrained into her that she is worthless and undeserving of love or happiness. Those mental tapes are not easy to get rid of, and she will slowly have to learn, through personal work and the love and support of those who care for her, that those things are not true. Continue to support her the way you, and it will go a long way to helping her know she is loved and special. You may have to repeat the same things, many, many times, but those are the things she needs to hear to get on a path to recovery. So, have patience with her.

I also recommend the book "Healing Trauma," by Peter Levine. It's a great book for survivors of sexual abuse.
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December 12th 2013, 08:01 PM

Okay thank you for the reassurance that what I am doing is right.

Whoops my phone didn't show all of your response. Thank you very much for the advice aswell.

Last edited by PSY; December 15th 2013 at 08:28 PM. Reason: Merged consecutive posts.
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