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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Online dating app time wasters - July 5th 2015, 09:32 PM

Why are there so many time wasters in online dating. Like sometimes a girl seems interested , asks you to add her on facebook , and then you ask her to hang out she is like "yeah of course!! ". But when you actually try to agree on a time- they always can't make it for whatever reason. And then you realize they are just stringing you along - I think it is mainly unattractive girls that do this- and I think it is because they just use an online dating service to boost their ego?
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Re: Online dating app time wasters - July 6th 2015, 02:06 AM

In today's society, 'catfishing' is an every day thing. Maybe the person could be 'stringing you along' because they aren't who they say they are. Not because it's an 'unattractive' (Which I thought was kinda offensive for you to say) girl who wants to boost their ego, but that also means that it couldn't be that either. If you feel like you have more 'time wasters' out of these sites/apps than potential dates, maybe you should consider not using them?

Sadly we have no way of knowing someone's intentions for doing things. We just have to go with the flow.

I hope this helps. Take care~


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Re: Online dating app time wasters - July 6th 2015, 02:15 AM

Definitely not just unattractive people that do this, and men do it too. And I didn't think "catfishing" when I read this, usually people tend to keep cancelling when they aren't actually interested and just feel too bad to say so. If she isn't making an actual effort to meet up, then it's best to assume she doesn't have any interest and to just leave it at that and talk to someone else.


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Re: Online dating app time wasters - July 6th 2015, 07:50 PM

Quote:
Why are there so many time wasters in online dating. Like sometimes a girl seems interested , asks you to add her on facebook , and then you ask her to hang out she is like "yeah of course!! ". But when you actually try to agree on a time- they always can't make it for whatever reason. And then you realize they are just stringing you along - I think it is mainly unattractive girls that do this- and I think it is because they just use an online dating service to boost their ego?
Girls don't just "string you along" for "fun", I mean, some girls might but most won't - it's just like a lot of guys will play games or use girls, it's stupid and immature, but most people aren't sitting there trying to get an ego boost or play games, its usually more complex.

Besides... Who said those girls are even unattractive? Or need an ego boost? Maybe they're perfectly pretty, confident girls who just decided for what ever reason, which you have no idea about, that they don't really need or want to meet you that has nothing to do with being a conniving bitch.

* Maybe they weren't all that into you to begin with and just didn't want to hurt your feelings by saying they don't want to meet you, but they decide not to reject you yet "just in case" things looked up or something (silly, I know, but no one likes hurting someone else's feelings)

* Maybe they're seeing a guy already and decide a few days later they'd rather see where it's going with this guy before meeting new guys

* Maybe they just lost interest because of something that you did. Not trying to tear you down here - a lot of the time the things are minor and inconsequential and it boils down to minute preferences that has literally nothing to do with you and really means nothing in terms of what you need to do (or it could be major in other cases, but I think you'd have indications in other areas - here is a good example: there was this guy who messaged me and we barely said 5 words to each other, it was basically "hi, how are you", to which I said "hi I'm good, thanks" and a few days later he comes back and starts telling me all about his mental heath problems for NO REASON, like seriously no reason is not even the slightest exaggeration. Now trust me, I have diagnosed mental health problems myself, so I'm not judging and I honestly wouldn't care if my partner also had his/her own challenges, but I also really don't want to have some strangers problems dumped on me like that because that's surely not the sort of thing I want to have as the foundation for a good relationship cause it was really awkward....

Ok so (not so) random story aside, the list runs on.

Online dating can suck but it can also be super great.

Sucking.

- SOME guys can be massive creeps, I got some really creepy messages from guys (including a few who were 40-50 years old) asking to hook up and it was so gross it made me want to quit right then and there (I am sure some girls would be creepy too but I've just never personally heard about it)

- Some people will cat fish you, which sucks - but generally, you'll never meet these people in real life any how, and (I would hope and assume) that at some point you'd verify a persons identity by meeting in person or video chatting or some such thing, so that's shitty but (ideally) preventable

- Some people will play games, which wicked sucks, but that is life - usually these people are immature, cruel, dramatic, EXTREMELY insecure in all the worst ways possible, and so on, and you don't really want to be in a relationship with those people any how

Benefits

- It is easy, especially when you are not having luck meeting anyone in your day to day life. Unless you are a hermit who never has any contact with other humans, I would never expect anyone to change up their lives just to meet someone because that's a hassle and I'd be sort of sad that your time was so dependent on finding a man (if I decide to join a book club or martial arts gym, that's all for me, if I meet a man in the process then all the more power to me, you know what I mean). So yeah, online dating is great.

- It also gives you a safe (ish) controlled space in which you can scout out a potential partner



Ok honestly, I can tell you all the reasons why I am for (or against) online dating - largely I am for it, and I just want you to know that I met my boyfriend through online dating and we live together now and have been together for a year. So it has a ton of potential once you get around the useless mundane crap where people insist on acting strangely

I totally understand your frustrations. Trust me, that is why I listed some of my pros and cons for you just cause I want to give you some perspective. My point is that, yes, some people suck, but it's a little unfair to just make assumptions about someones situation if you are making judgements about attractiveness and ego boosts and stuff, it's not acknowledging the range of possibilities about why a person didn't follow through the way you expected and/or were led to believe.

The best I can offer you is to just shake it off and stick with it.




Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
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Re: Online dating app time wasters - July 8th 2015, 05:26 AM

Don't do online dating, it's pointless and stupid and a waste of time.
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Re: Online dating app time wasters - July 8th 2015, 05:28 AM

I met a lot of men and ended up with results that felt like I was being strung along and I finally met the one person on my dating site that actually was decent. Almost 4 years now with that person. I think people go on dating sites not knowing what they want either. Besides, you do have to be extra careful and understand that there are going to be people that play games with you. It's like the real world except virtual, if that makes sense. Basically, it's very similar. You need to have a keen eye on understanding how someone talks to you through messages and via webcam and not to automatically assume everything is in order. I talked with my current boyfriend for a month on Skype and we met up (I had my family with me to ensure my safety) and from there, it was fine. We hit it off and here we are. That is just the con of online dating, you never know. Ultimately, you're the judge of what comes to you. If you can't handle it anymore, maybe just continue trying to find someone in the real world outside of the virtual world. Either way, best of luck.




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Re: Online dating app time wasters - July 8th 2015, 07:14 PM

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Originally Posted by nouedis View Post
Don't do online dating, it's pointless and stupid and a waste of time.
This is false. There are a number of people online who are trying to make genuine connections with people. I met a few of them and I ended up starting a relationship with one of them.

I think online dating is tricky because different people want different things. Some people want to hook up, some want a relationship and some don't know what they want. I think this fact can lead to people stringing you along. I think you have to ignore the people that are stringing you on and keep trying. You might, eventually, find someone you form a connection with. My boyfriend was online for about a year before he and I started talking. And, to be honest, I didn't think anything would come from it. I was just talking to him because I enjoyed the conversation. Eventually we ended up meeting up and one thing led to another.

I think that you are just as likely to meet people who are trying to string you along as you are finding people that are looking for a genuine connection.

Also, I don't think only unattractive girls do this. I think a number of people do this for various reasons. I am unattractive, in my opinion, and I would never string someone along. It doesn't really boost a persons ego some people just aren't interested but are too nice to say.
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Re: Online dating app time wasters - July 8th 2015, 07:14 PM

You say it's unattractive girls to boost their ego, but are you telling yourself that to simply boost your ego? I kid, but honestly, if they don't want to meet up, they don't want to. Maybe they realize they're not interested in you for whatever reason, but they just don't want to waste your time and energy for a date. To be honest, they don't owe you an explanation, and it's not worth your time freaking out over it. The people worth investing your time into will be the people who want to invest in you. How old are you, 22? You have plenty of time, there's no need to take the whole thing so seriously.


I said to the sun, "Tell me about the big bang"
& the sun said “it hurts to become."
Andrea Gibson, "I Sing The Body Electric; Especially When My Power Is Out"
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