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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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Paakkman1 Offline
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Question My Girlfriend and I are in love, but my physical wants are causing problems - May 28th 2016, 05:04 PM

To make a breathtakingly long story short, here's my problem:
-Been dating this girl for six months now
-I love her very much, and plan on spending the rest of our lives together
-She is my first girlfriend; before then I had tryed for many many many years with no luck and it brought me to some dark places (so I can say finding her saved my life)
-She says she is not ready for sex or anything to do with sex (touching breasts, rear, or even kissing anywhere from the bottom of the neck down); we are both virgins
-It seems to be the only reason we argue; we are very happy
-We are on this cycle of me trying to initiate simple intimate physical activity (without the slightest intention of having sex), then she tells me to stop and I really respect her so I do. But then that part of me that wants to be physical gets upset and frustrated, so apparently I get "that look on my face," she says. Then she gets sad because she can't satisfy my needs, and I get upset because I don't seem to have the strength to wait and the last thing I want is to pressure her, etc and etc.
-I really love her, I waited so long for her, and we have discussed it a few times. However, I can't seem to find an outlet. Masturbation has gone down to all but zero; I always think of her and I feel shamed so I don't, yet I can't even touch her really so I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.
-I'm a virgin and she is as well, and I know her being her she would let me have sex with someone else; but I obviously want to only be exclusive to her.
-I'm just not sure what to do at this point
   
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Re: My Girlfriend and I are in love, but my physical wants are causing problems - May 28th 2016, 06:17 PM

Eventually when she is ready she will come around. I experience a similar thinf with my bf i get upset bcuz we have been together almost 4 years and still have not had sex but its mostly me thats not ready so it has caused some little fights. It still bothers me but we both know we have more important things to worry about and that its not the biggest deal cuz it will come one day
   
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Re: My Girlfriend and I are in love, but my physical wants are causing problems - May 29th 2016, 11:34 AM

Hey there,

It sounds like this is something your girlfriend is not going to budge on any time soon, and why should she. Everyone has the right to say no and not be ready for sex. If this is a problem for you then maybe the two of you aren't going to be compatible. If sex is something you can't wait for the maybe you need to question your future with her.

I wish you the best of luck,
Paige


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Re: My Girlfriend and I are in love, but my physical wants are causing problems - May 30th 2016, 01:22 AM

I'm happy to hear you've been respectful with her boundaries! My partner and I began dating young, and it's often very stressful when you're waiting for the right time to begin sexual activity so I understand the concern.

First, I'd discuss it with her and get a clearer idea of her boundaries. You said that you'll initiate and she'll become upset if you cross a line. I'd clarify where that line is so that you do not cross it and this cycle does not continue.

Ask, do you know if she's waiting until marriage or waiting until she "feels ready?" Does her delay it have something to do with purity/religiosity, fear of STIs, bad experiences int he past, etc, or is it purely out of readiness and not feeling like she wants to do that yet? Getting a clearer understanding of her reasoning may help you find a place where you two feel more comfortable.

Last, I don't think there's anything wrong with masturbating or masturbating thinking about her, or anybody else for that matter. Masturbation is a very healthy expression when one is waiting until sexual activity, and unless for religious reasons or otherwise you're not interested, I don't see why you shouldn't do that.


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Re: My Girlfriend and I are in love, but my physical wants are causing problems - May 30th 2016, 10:13 AM

Firstly, six months my feel like a long time to have been in a relationship, but if you're both quite young it may feel too early to be having sex. I had been with my boyfriend for just over a year before we had sex for the first - mainly because I was still underage, but partly because I didn't feel ready.

Secondly, I can kinda relate with your girlfriend - first relationships can be scary. I had two boyfriends before my current boyfriend, one lasted 3 months and the other lasted 8, but neither of them went further than kissing. When I got with my current boyfriend, it was clear that he has a little bit more experience than I had, but not much - he was also still a virgin. However, I'd go over to his house and slowly we'd get further with each other - multiple times I'd stop him from going past what I was comfortable with, so maybe your girlfriend just gets a little nervous and feels like she has to stop? You've just got to remember, if she's said she's not ready, don't push her into it.

As for being together six months, for me that was about how long it took for things to start picking up in the sexual department - like I said, we only had sex after a year, so don't worry about how long it's taking. If it's really bothering you that much maybe she isn't the one for you.

Lastly, I agree with Traci about the masturbation thing - it's normal so I wouldn't worry about it. I know for a fact that my boyfriend does it as sometimes we don't get to see each other for a couple of weeks and he feels like he needs to which isn't a problem. I also know that sometimes he thinks of me while doing, and other times porn will come into the equation, which is also fine.
   
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Re: My Girlfriend and I are in love, but my physical wants are causing problems - May 31st 2016, 04:09 AM

in addition to everything everyone else has already said, which is fantastic advice by the way, i just wanted to say that i respect and appreciate you so much for respecting her boundaries and holding yourself back from going further than she desires.
seriously, that is the most mature and noble thing to do in this situation, especially since your needs are vastly different from hers.

we need more guys like you in this world -- that is what a real man is.


best of luck to you with this. i'd say just wait it out. if you love her, it'll be worth it. just remember that you guys are still fairly young, and it's okay if you're not ready to be tied down.
if you want to go out and experiment, then by all means, go for it. this is your youth - you only get to live it once.


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Re: My Girlfriend and I are in love, but my physical wants are causing problems - May 31st 2016, 09:23 AM

Its impressive you are willing to wait. Hats off to you mate.
I think you're just hormonal. Just keep the willpower up and it'll pass soon enough!
Best of luck
   
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Re: My Girlfriend and I are in love, but my physical wants are causing problems - June 3rd 2016, 07:41 AM

As an update to everyone here on my thread, thank you so much for your amazing advice and your respect for me. I appreciate it so much that there are still people out there that have kind hearts and sincere advice.
On the day of us officially being together 6 months, we had our first sexual experiences together, and they have been the most amazing and romantic times of my entire life.
We are still shying away from intercourse for now, which I am completely okay with. I feel my position is to make her feel good and to live out her fantasies.
Thank you guys again very much.
   
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Re: My Girlfriend and I are in love, but my physical wants are causing problems - June 3rd 2016, 08:50 PM

I'm so glad everything worked out! I'd continue to communicate about boundaries, specifically because you both want to wait for intercourse. However, I'm happy it looks like you found a compromise that everybody is enjoying. Because the issue seems to have been resolved, I'm going to close this thread, but feel free to start another one whenever you need and our users are always there to help!


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