It's nearly halfway through Saturday. I got out of bed at about 10:30am, after literally about 12 hours in bed, though not all of them sleeping. I've had breakfast. It wasn't exactly a healthy breakfast (instant packet food/snack food), but at least it's something. I can't figure out if I'm hungry or I just like the taste of things.

The minor self-harm is continuing. My keyworker is a little worried that I'll slip somewhat and it will get out of control. I don't really care, to be...

I will do one of these blogs whenever i have questions about teenhelp, life, or just random crap that makes no sence whatsoever

1. When you go into the chatroom, is it customary to check out everyones profile, or people you don't knows profile?

2. Do I have to get 100 posts before my 'not a n00b' thing changes?

3.How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

4. Why won't my photos upload to my album?
...

hehe so today was normal at school, i slapped a friend accidentally, i handed in a scholarship an i got pissed off with my mum...so i came to dads. Now, while I'm at dads, a few things happened.

Okay, so i rock up to dads, and I decide to act all cool about it, and pick an orange from the tree... bad idea. my dad came outside just as I pulled a treeload of oranges on myself... thanks alot.

so i decided to computerise and crap for a bit, chill off, then my sister...

The Monday to Friday week, at any rate.

I'm tired. My head hurts because my neck won't click. I ate too much. The part of my bra that goes around my ribcage is far too tight. I have gas, but I'm hesitant to fart because my flatmate is still awake. And the funeral has been post-poned until Tuesday at 2:00pm.

Leisa said the money for the clothes shopping didn't go through so it'll be done on Monday or Tuesday of next week. If it ends up being Monday, then I'll go to the...

Been dreading this week since November last year. Wednesday was obviously going to be difficult, especially when I realised it was 11am and ended up crying again.
But now there's the whole 8 days afterwards before the funeral thing and I keep thinking about that dream I had last week.
Sat and drank my way through Monday night. Screwed up my legs and an arm last night. Tonight looks set to be a repeat of one or both nights.
Best thing being no one knows. Because I stopped...

So, today was meant to be quite busy, and I got out of bed at about 9:00am after tossing and turning and panicking for hours.

Today was originally meant to go: clothes shopping with Leisa, appointment with Judy, Chris's funeral.
Chris's funeral has been post-poned, and Leisa rang this morning to say we can't do the clothes shopping today (and I am very happy about this) because the funds hadn't come through. I don't really want to go clothes shopping so that made me happy....

Feeling so alone..Stupid thoughts that really need to go away >_<
I can't talk to anyone, no one wants to know and none of my school friends have any idea about my life. They'll tell me that i'm being silly, I always help them but as soon as I even attempt to talk to them they just ignore me.

I'm an idiot, at this rate I don't think I'm going to be here much longer :/

Yeah, 4 days TH was down for. I don't blame anyone, I just find that blogging helps me, so I've been waiting for it to come back online.

On the 19th, Chris Jonkers died in a motorcycle accident. I found out through facebook on Tuesday evening. His funeral is at Waikumete Cemetery on Friday at 2:00pm. I need to find out if I can move my appointment with Judy (which is meant to be 12:30 - 1:30 this week), and if Lyn would be willing to drive me there. I need to find these things out...

I've had several emails of people on this sight judging me, k so here goes, I'm 15 my mum died when I was 13, with the stress if her dieing I went off the scales, I lost my virginity and then I couldn't stop getting drunk with my friend and having sex with everything that moves,my grades went down rapidly. I lost all respect for myself every weekend I stayed at a guys house, schooldays I was out usually at my friends oftenly just at a random guys house, I just didn't want to go back to the memories...

I had a mental breakdown last night.

I cut myself a little bit and really wanted to do it a lot more. I wanted to see the blood and do what I had to to release the anxiety and that heavy feeling on my heart. I only did a little bit but knew I had to refrain before I got myself into trouble with my parents.

So what do I do? I call a hotline. The self harm hotline was closed so I called the suicide hotline because well, I was in danger of cutting too much or too deep...