So today wasn't as bad as I predicted..
Until I got home.
Cut like I used to cut... And it felt goooood...
Mother can go die...
I don't want to eat chips, I don't want to get fatter!
I've decided I don't want to stop cutting!
It makes me happy! So why the hell should I take that away from myself?

God I've been so depressing lately. My blogs are miserable. I had no one I could speak to about any of it so I guess this was the only place I had. It's different now. A girl I met in college over a year ago and who I've talked to a fair bit since then has been so amazing. She's texted me everyday, asking how I'm doing. Listening to me whine about being alone, not giving up on me and keeping me here. I can't thank her enough for that.
I spent a few hours with her on Saturday, my parents were...

Don't want to go to school.
Don't make me go.
Already cut over it.
Need to cut again.
Need to cut so so bad.
So humiliating.
Everyone there hates me.
Everyone laughs at me.
I'M NOT A FREAK!
Well... I am.. I'm the biggest freak there is.
I just want to fit in.
I just want people to like me.
I hate me though, so why wouldn't others?
Might as well die... Only 1 thing to live for, that's not enough...

Not looking forward to school, I feel so ill I knew I shouldn't have taken those pills, but I needed it >_<
Got a long day and I'm going to be alone for all of it, no one cares, people don't notice, I don't know why I'm still trying to do this.

I don't even know why i even try. As soon as i start feeling better something happens and ruins it. Im feeling so low today. Sat on my bed and been online. Stuffed my face with food. I feel so sick now.

I have to go back to school tomorrow. Im scared of going because we have had evacuations and lockdowns, im afraid it will happen again. And someone will be hurt.

I'm not ready for all the awful things people have to say. I don't know if i'll be able to take it. ...