Cut again
Already regret it
Would've exploded if I didn't though
Let so many people down
Want to cut more
Know I shouldn't
Want to scoff my face with food
Tied my hands together to try stop myself
Just hate me.

As much as I like the little alcove I live in, I'm actually scared to leave the house or be home alone at the moment. I mean, there are only 3 other houses in the street and pensioners live in them all so we've never had any trouble. But the houses over the wall from our back garden are on a street that's a bit.... dodgy. To say the least. And the street attached to that one isn't the nicest either. But last night there was a really odd noise, so I went through and asked mum if she'd heard thunder...

Having such a crap few days, really don't want to go to school. Got shouted at by my friend yesterday for acting miserable when I didn't realise I was, but I hadn't told my grandad tried to kill himself on Monday. My friends just talk about me behind my back, I've heard them when they didn't realise I was in the room.

Guess I'll be by myself again, the kid no one cares about or wants to talk to :/

I received in the mail today a letter telling me that police hold a summons for me to attend court. Oddly, the court is going to be held at a police station. All times I've attended court in the past, it's been in a court house. I have ten days to answer the summons, if I don't answer within ten days, then they'll send some cops to my house in a marked police car.

I suppose I could always make sure I'm out of town from the 17th onwards, lawl. But I think I'll just deal with it....

New XKCD comic, "every major's terrible". Pretty crack up, must have taken him a while to think all that up. But I sort of relate, although I do have a declared major (Psychology) that when I am able to go back to studying properly will become a double major (Psychology and English).

I've decided that when I go to the doctor tomorrow to get a fixed medical certificate I'm also going to ask if I can have a blood test done to check my iron and B12 levels. I clicked last night...

You going to get through this, you're not dying on my watch.
I know things are hard and you can push the family away as much as you want but it doesn't mean we're not going to care any less.

ODing isn't helping anything, it just worries us and you can be as stubborn as you want and refuse to go to hospital but please let me help you, let your family in. I promise you now that your family care more about you than this woman you tried to run off with.

Seriously grandad,...

Lately I've been wondering how much I can really affect anyone's life. I mean people say that they want to really make a difference and I'd like that even if it was just with one person but I'm not really sure if I could ever be that person who brightens anyone's day or helps anyone. I try my best to be there for everyone that means a lot for me and I'd do anything I can to help them when they're struggling, upset or anything. I' m always nice to people and I try my beat to be happy and friendly...

I'm exhausted. After I write this, I'm going to have a shower, take my rubbish out, then crash til Wednesday. Sort of.

Saw my psychologist today, she said she wasn't aware that that letter had even been sent to my doctor but she's happy with the diagnosis as it is and was of the opinion that Beydals only met me once and very briefly and therefore that was just his opinion. I have an appointment with a different doctor on Friday and she's sure that the diagnosis (the Beydals one) will...

I'm starting to think that you don't care, that you don't want me anymore. In really hOping you're going to prove me wrong, but I'm not sure that you want to.

Exams start next week, 9 in 10 days :/ I'm going to do so badly, another way for my to disappoint my family >_<