I. Am. Obsessed. With. Suicide.

I don't know why! I don't feel actively suicidal at the moment (in fact the suicidal patches are getting shorter and more infrequent, thanks quetiapine), but I'm still obsessed with how, and how long, and how effective - I'm still researching it, courtesy of google.

I did find out that had I gone for plastic bag suffocation in hospital, I would have been dead within ten minutes - meaning I would have been dead for at least five minutes...

well i was feeling fine up until an hour ago i met with my psychiatrist and all was good then i found out my best friend killed herself i am so sad and mad im sad because she is gone and i mad because she did not tell me she was in so much pain i could of been there for her. How could i not of noticed she felt so bad i saw cuts and scratches all over her and she just said they were from her cat. i feel like a horrible friend i wish i knew before this. i could of stopped her maybe if i did not attempt...

Doing it for me is the only way to do it right.
Sometimes, you have to be selfish.
Sometimes, you have to put your own needs first.
Sometimes, you have to ignore what everybody else thinks of you.

So, I've had trouble with medication before. That doesn't mean that the same thing has to happen this time. I've made a commitment to taking it. I'm setting up a routine around it, so that taking it becomes just a part of what I do before I go to bed. Things Melodie...

so, i dont understand the association with misery and missing someone. you can be happy, and miss someone, you can be angry, and still miss someone. you can have everything in the world that you ever wanted, and be miserable. just because im happy when im relieved that we're trying to find a solution to the problem, doesnt mean i dont miss you, nor does it mean that i dont love you. ive had an enormous amount of loss in my life, and i know it could be worse, but right now, for the first time ever,...

I got home about half an hour ago. I have been received with much less than a warm welcome, in fact all the humans seem somewhat hostile.

On the bright side, Linny (my cat) is absolutely over the moon to see me again, and the dog's (family dog, not mine personally) tail had a few wags for me.

I was discharged due to pressure for beds. The consensus is that although I'm not entirely well, I'm well enough to manage in a non-hospital environment. With my discharge I was...

well still in here i might be able to leave in a week im actually smiling for real now but im scared to leave im scared im might have thomas thoughts again cause i get overwhelmed easily i'm also scared about otherwise things once i get out of here

Anger. It washes over me, soaking me in fear and drenching me in knowledge of my ultimate failure. The small plastic bags hangs slightly open. I hear the door to the garage open, and then fall shut again. The footsteps slowly and lazily make their way towards me.
"what are you doing?" the voice asks. For a second, I wonder. What AM i doing?! But my head realizes that I'm acting insane... My mind tranced in its own maze of fear and adrenaline.
I look up. "nothing."...

wow, that's all i can say. i just never thought this day would come the day in which i'm out to the world. i just can't believe it it is just so insane.
i just got a text from my dad want to hear what it said. k here i goes
i love you as my daughter, son or transgender as hetero, homo or bisexual. i only want you to become a happy, healthy, responsible and produttive adult.
as i type this i can't stop crying yes i'm a boy now but that don't mean i can't cry. it just feels...

it's kinda as if indigo is dead as if she died and i'm standing in her place. it's kinda weird now but i like it. it's as if everyone is mourning the death of indigo even me, but at the same time it's good cuz Xander is a better person then indigo could ever be. as i was watching my hair fall of my head it felt as if i was being reborn and as if this time i was born right. each chunk of hair a peice of me i no longer felt i needed to hold on to. live was good as a girl but life as a boy is the best...

damn... wow there are no words for how amazing i feel right now. i can't believe this! i feel wonderful and almost whole right now i have told everyone except for my dad and friends. i am just so happy i can't even dicribe how happy i am that my moms and my brother acept me my older brother is having trouble but i cna't excpect them to get this right off the bat. wow i just can't stop smiling it just feels so good to have my mom call me he. i chose my new name today it's alexander so if u want u...